That darn dog!

And this is what I opened the door to see two days ago.

My dog, Lance, is a black Chow Chow. By all human standards a good dog. He had a tough life which included many years on the streets of Newark killing to eat. So, it is in his, shall we say, blood. I knew that when I adopted him. However, he is amazing with kids and people - quite opposite from a typical Chow who is very dominant and possessive and protective of their people and homes. Not Lance. He just kills "things" when he gets out. Needless to say, we don't let him out without a leash. However, in his old age, he has become like Houdini escaping from this house. I love what my mother calls it when he bolts out the door. She says he runs out of here like a "ruptured duck". That could be a whole other blog but suffice it to say, Eric and I have never seen a ruptured duck run, but I will take her word for it.

So, two days ago the children and I were leaving to go to school and out that door he went - like a "ruptured duck"...the only problem with that is the only thing ruptured in the end was a deer - AGAIN. Now Lance is fat and he is old. Chows average life span is 8-10 years. Lance will be 11 this November. I am absolutely convinced that we will have the oldest Chow on record. With my luck, he will live to be 18! However, Lance isn't too fat or too old or too slow for that matter to not catch a deer!

When he runs, he runs and doesn't come home for awhile. When he does come home, he lays around the front steps but when someone opens the door to let him in, he runs away again. This goes on all day. So the last time when I opened the door to let him in, he turned around and looked at me and started wagging his tail...like he was proud of himself, happy, something. Not like him at all. I walked down one stair wondering why he hadn't run and then I saw it. A deer leg...chewed off and left there as a prize. Almost like the murderer who keeps something from the kill as a trophy. When I saw it, I shot "the look" at Lance, at which point, he bolted like duck that was running for his life. I walked back in the house, slammed the door, and lost my head. "That =+%$#@#@ DOG! He @#%^$%# did it again! He killed another deer and left the @##@ leg on the stoop!". Oh man, I blew a gasket! So, what was I supposed to do with this leg on my stoop? Well, of course, what any other wife would do. I picked it up by the hoof, carried it to Eric's work bench outside in the garage and left it there for him to figure out what to do with it.

Now, as far as I was concerned, Lance was going to spend the night out there in the rain until the blood was washed clean from his furry fat head! But Eric, being WAY more compassionate than I am, let him in and washed him off himself. No way! Not me! With all that said, it has been three days since this happened. Today is Thursday and tomorrow is garbage day. The deer leg is still on the work bench in the garage smelling quite ripe I might add. I am hoping it makes it to the woods or at least the garbage can tomorrow. Before we know it, the vulchers will be breaking into our garage to eat the decaying carcass!

Until next time...

I day in the life...

"Bye honey, is there anything I can do for you while you are away?". Eric said no and walked away. Before leaving, he turned around and said, "as a matter of fact, you can. You can weed whack, edge and if you want, mow the lawn". OK I thought. I love power tools. After receiving instructions on how to work the thing he left. I go outside, find it, read the instructions on the side of the whacker (which was Eric's instructions to me..."Just read the instructions on the weed whacker"). Pretty simple. Push the air button 10 times, move the choke to full throttle, pull the pull start three times. Move the throttle to half speed and pull the pull start until it starts. About 4 pulls and I have power....COOL. Put on ear protection and off I go. Took a few minutes to figure out exactly how to "edge". If you are not careful, you can pull up chunks of grass...I know. And if you get too close to the ground or tip it certain ways you can also pull up chunks of grass. I figured that out, too. It was like a divit in golf. But, once we were past the 7 divits, I got the hang of it and it was really fun. This, I have to tell you. is no ordinary whacker. High power, heavy and gas - which is another thing...gas or gas and oil? I'll get there in a minute.

I whacked the sidewalk and edged it. I did under the playset and edged that, too. I did along the rock wall and was about to the side of the house when it ran out of gas. I go to the garage and start looking around. I see a little thing on the whacker that had a gas symbol and a drop symbol and I figured it is gas and oil mixture. But we have three red gas cans and one blue one. I start with blue...definitely kerosene. Next...empty. Next, think it smells like gas and the last I really wasn't sure so I used that one. After pouring 1 gallon on the driveway, the little tank was full. I pushed the air button 10 times, put the throttle full, pull three times, move throttle to half, pull a few more times and viola - we have power...

And that's when it happened. Like a bad dream. The pull start rope thing wouldn't go back in and it stalled. It was like it got stuck. I couldn't pull start again because it was stuck in the out position with the rope/string thing hanging down. OK, I debated taking it to the shop to have someone fix it, but thought surely I can rewind the thing. I found the right screwdriver with the little star end, unscrew everything to take off the cap to the pull start housing. Still couldn't get that white casing to wind. I tried winding the rope around manually but you couldn't because there was no space to get it in, tried winding left and right and it was dead stuck...wouldn't budge. Oh, I see one more screw right in the middle of the white thing that the rope pull start winds around so I figured that must come off, then I can wind it up and call it a day. I unscrew it and that is when it happened. Like a slinky that was bound in a 2" box when you open the top, it sprang off with such force that it actually scared me and I screamed. Apparently there is a wire spring (like 10 feet long - honest it was) that is between that little white thing that holds the rope for the pull start and the whacker...it must serve some purpose cause it was there. The entire end of the whacker sprang into pieces...crud! CRUD! What am I going to tell Eric? I am going to be permanently banned from power tools! So, I figure if I can rewind the metal and pop it back together, it will be fine, but let me tell you one thing...If you even have 1.5 hours to kill, get a thin piece of metal (like stripping) and make sure it is AT LEAST 10 feet long, then try to wind it into a final circle of about 2" in diameter! I give up. So I call Eric...

"Hi honey, how was your flight?". "Good, what's up?". "Er, how much do you think it costs for a new, gas powered weed whacker?"...I heard some noise at which point I stopped listening. When I leave here, I am stopping at Home Depot. I think they will know the price and it will be audible words that I can understand.

Until next time...

Late, as usual...

Try as I might, I am NEVER on time. And I don't ever mean to be late. I really feel like that is like saying someone else's time isn't as important as yours. How can someone wake up at 4:30 in the morning and be late to school more times than not and school doesn't start till 8:30? When you figure it out, let me know so we can be on time to school.

Yesterday, I picked up 4 kids at school (my two and my friends two) and one stayed at school for a soccer program for an hour. I was going to take the two girls to the barn to ride, come back to school and pick up Ethan and go back to the barn, get the girls and go home with the 5 kids. That was my plan, anyway.

We get to the barn and Morgan (my friend's daughter) forgot her insulin bag at school, now for the record, being a TypeI diabetic and not having an insulin bag is NOT good. I always have glucose in my car just in case her blood sugar gets really low and I gave her them and told her I would be right back with her bag and brother. This was 3:30. I went right back to the school to pick Ethan up at 4 and saw a friend...need I say any more. Ethan continued to play soccer of course and I yakked and yakked and yakked some more. I actually stood in the pouring rain, two 7 year old kids in my car still cause I was "just picking Ethan and getting Morgan's insulin bag" and I guess I lost track of time. The next thing I know Adam gets out of the car, walks across the parking lot and asked me if we could go now. A side note: I had put a movie on when I got out of the car. I called Ethan, got the bag and said goodbye and got in the car (soaking wet I might add) and realized when I got in that the movie was over..."that cannot be good" I thought and looked at the clock. It was 5 pm! Now, this wouldn't be the end of the world normally but Ethan had a baseball game and had to leave at 5:30 (and of course it was NOT raining in Chester where he lives) and still have to pick up the girls at the barn...HOLY COW!!! I have the insulin bag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I race to the barn and Morgan is eating candy canes which means she crashed with the sugar which is VERY dangerous and I have the bag. So I scramble to get the girls and quick call Kristen, my girlfriend. I am in a complete and total panic at this point that now, because of my being late, their family has to race around and poor Morgan needs to get this blood thing figured out and Ethan has a game....Kristen answers the phone, "Hello?". "Hi, Kristen...It's me. I am SO sorry that it is almost 5:30 and your kids are not home (now I want you to read this as fast as you can because no matter how fast you read it, I was saying it faster!)...I am at the barn and I am leaving now. Get their dinner ready, get Ethan's clothes, and when I get to your house, I will slow down enough that when I throw your kids out, they won't get hurt too badly". Kristen is so kind and funny. She is like, "No big one - I was hoping the game would be cancelled but it seems to be raining everywhere but here, but take your time...no big one". So, now this is what I pictured in my head (though it didn't really happen and as it turned out, the game had been cancelled by the time I got to her house, but this is what played in my head like a movie)...

I slow the car down, open the door, have the kids jump out. They are rolling, but get up pretty quickly and dust themselves off and run into the house. Kristen is waiting at the front door with food in her hand and she proceeds to shove it into Ethan and Sydney and Morgan's mouth as she throws baseball clothes at Ethan, the whole time yelling..."Come on, Come on...we gotta go...." and so the kids hurry toward the back door and into the garage. Poor Ethan has food coming out of his mouth, Morgan is grabbing what she needs on the way out and Sydney is just trying to keep up. As Ethan races to the car drooling, he has one cleat on and the other in his hand and he is jumping on one foot to the car because it is raining and he doesn't want to get his foot wet. He is hopping, one cleat on and the other in his hand, he is drooling and his baseball shirt is on only one arm and head and the other arm is being used to try to maneuver his cleat on the foot in the air. They hop in the car, baseball equipment falling out of the doors as they quick get in and Kristen goes to start the car and the battery is dead. They come running out after me (because the above happened in less than 1 minute 25 seconds) and they are screaming...I turn around to see what was wrong and find out Kristens car is dead. I cannot jump start it because it is in the garage and I can't get my car in the other side because the other side is storage. Plan B...the kids stumble out of her car, go to get in my car and Kristen gets in the front seat and we realize that I am one car seat short...UGH. At that very moment, her cell phone rings and it is the coach telling her the game was cancelled...

I tell you, there is a party going on in my head. Until next time...