Pumpkin Carving Frenzy Over (THANK GOD!)

I always loved carving pumpkins, less the scooping out of the guts, but I always carved these ridiculous carvings, just to watch them collapse about 2 weeks later.  So about 3 years ago I decided to start carving styrofoam pumpkins (before every craft store in the world started doing it…..of course).  It took way longer because they are thicker and harder to carve into, but each year we add to our collection by taking out the old ones and carving a pumpkin or two more to add to the collection.  However, this year found me in a rather somber mood with some family situations that had me in a place of solitude working things out with God.  So, that left me way more time to carve way more pumpkins.  So much so that I had to give away 6 of them just so that our house didn't look like a pumpkin museum.  I love doing it…..sometimes too much.  I'm thankful I cannot find anymore styrofoam pumpkins in the stores now or I might still be carving.  Here are some of my obsessive carvings.  Nothing great on this read, but some cool pictures to look at…..

2010 - My conversation with the Lord…..a poem of what might be

I was dead but You gave me life.
And I embraced that life in You.  We flew
…..higher than I've ever been.  Years went by and I grew,
always aware of Your grace.  For it was that grace that made me new.

Then one day I turned.  I don't even remember when it was, but I turned.
Not far….ever so slightly, but my view of You was now blocked
by this old thing that had returned.

Oh, I still saw You, and loved You I did.  But I hid…..

Only a little…..not much.  But that opened the door to that empty, dark heart
that scared me so much.

Next thing I knew I was living in that place I hadn't been in years.
I hated that place - it caused pain and tears.

Yet where were You?
I couldn't see You anymore.
I know You were there, but I no longer talk to You or see You.
It shakes me to my core…..

Yet I run.

You are light yet I live in darkness.
This heart is heavy and I do not remember being young.
I wonder what could cause such sadness, darkness and pain.  It is like a song unsung…..
how much longer could I sustain?

I'm in a full blown rebellion against the only love I ever knew.  But I could trust You.

You gave me riches in insight and truth.
I shared You with zeal and never forgot;
for that very love and trust You so freely give
breathed fresh life into me and caused me to live.

But this thing I am doing is not living at all.
In fact, it is a slow death I'm enduring because of this fall.
Oh lord, I know Your forgiveness is perfect,
but I must be willing to turn again;

but I find I don't seek Thee.

And during those years we flew, I was still plagued with a fragile mind….
I suffered so greatly - tho only from time to time.
But it remained - that darkness in my mind - it seems it went from my heart to my head…
but dark it was; sometimes I feel dead.
But I wasn't dead because of You.
But somehow it returned.  Here and there,
But Your love and grace reigned and Your glory grew.

We fought the good fight, You and me.
And the handful of prayer warriors and mentors that You provided
prayed hard and were blessed by Thee.

So how did I get where I am today?  I have never felt so far away…

...From You, Lord, my heart aches for Your love and Your grace that You give.
Mercy that shows Your the reason for the life that we live.

Yet here I sit, alone and scared.
What if I'm the one who is so impaired…
….. that heaven is removed from my future plan
Because I stayed in darkness too long for one man.

Knowing the truth but trying to hide
behind an addiction that is killing me inside.
Oh, on the outside I look OK.
Sure, there are noticeable changes that people can see,
but they don't know what is inside of me.

My mind tells me lies, but they seem so right.
I believe them and no longer put up a fight.
I've given in - perhaps too far.
But I'm tired of fighting, I've lost sight of my Star.

My Light who shined so brightly in me
now sits patiently by and waits for me….
to return to my Love, but will I ever be free
To love God and Christ the way I used to, and be all I'm called to be?
My mind is chaotic, it runs on and on,
but it seems never in the direction of You, You're gone!

I'm reminded it's not You that's gone
rather the peace I had when You were the breath I lived on.
You're still here with me, even as I write
but I don't "feel" You and exist on just simply air.
At times it seems just too much to bear.

So why does this stubborn heart refuse to yield
To the One who from day one, tells me I'm sealed?
In this body His very Spirit dwells
But even with Your Spirit I fell.
The longer I stayed the harder it got
To picture my life as it was... because now it is not.

The precious time I spent with You
seems like a distant memory - harder to remember as time passes.
And I know in You there is life, but somehow this "thing" keeps me from coming.
It makes no sense, not even to me.
In this life I sometimes no longer want to be.
But in death will I be sent to a pit of eternal destruction
by a Saviour I once knew,
Or would He greet me,
"Good servant, I am well pleased with you"?

So I sit in my pit that I dug
writing about a great God I once loved.
I love Him still, tho I love myself more.
It grieves me so to know this. I live with the swine, having spent His riches
and now I am poor.

Your Word says You love me, the prodigal son,
If only I would repent and return to the One….
Who has a robe, fatted calf and a ring,
New life will You give me and the angels will sing
Over the one who is saved.
But I'm lying here right next to my grave.
When will I choose the only love I ever knew?
Will, in Him, I be saved, only He knows…..

But Lord,
One more thing.

Please help my mind to be sound
and remember those things that have kept me bound.
Free up my hands and my feet
From this demon that has, for years, kept me beat.
I want to be whole, but only in You,
yet I run in rebellion to the things I once knew.

Come and save me from myself; it has to be now,
For tomorrow may not come, and to You I will bow.
I'll give account for this thing I call life,
but is nothing but chaos, darkness and strife.
But answer I will and Lord let me say,
"It wasn't pretty but we made it"…..

And look up to see
My Savior standing over me
Saying, "Servant, I am well pleased with thee".

Tinted Windows…..Oh, and a new tattoo or two

I have a 2006 Victory Red Corvette and slowly I have been doing some modifications to make it mine. The latest thing I did was have the tinted the windows.  I think it ties the car together a bit better.  I blacked out my lights and the targa top is black so I thought black windows and back window would look great.  So off I go to a place about a half hour from my house.  My appointment was 9 AM and they expected it would take about 1.5 hours.  I sat in the waiting area, books in hand, journal, pens and my jacket.  There was NO heat and after about 2 hours, I was shivering.  They came out to tell me that it was going to take longer because they were having a hard time wrapping the back hatch due to the severe curve.  I got up to walk around to heat up and noticed a tattoo parlor across the street, one I had been to once before with one of my besties.  So I decided since they have heat, AND are open, I should meander across the 4 lane highway and have a foot tattoo fixed (it was botched when the idiot originally did it).  Why not, right?  So I look both ways, after all it IS a highway, and see it is clear, then go for it…..at which point I wiped out and all my books, papers, pens and all the contents of my purse spread across 2 lanes of he highway…..In a scurry I tried to pick everything up…..and a very nice man came to help as the cars are now stopped and waiting for us to clean up my mess….Humiliated, I got myself together and got to the tattoo parlor.  All I was going to do was talk to someone about correcting a bad tattoo.  Well, 2 hours later, one fixed and two new tattoos, i returned to see my awesome corvette, blacked out windows and love my new body art.

Life is funny that way…..you plan one thing and something else completely random happens and it marks you, no pun intended, in one way or another.  I guess it was my time to get those two new tattoos those tattoos that I have wanted for the last two years.  Is my body art complete?  Only God knows.  But one thing is for sure, I love what I have…..my car looks awesome and now because my car looks so good, I have to get new wheels - black….you know how that goes.  You paint the living room, then the carpet looks dingy.  So you buy new carpet then that furniture that, two weeks ago, looked just fine needs to be replaced.  Then because you redid your living room, all of a sudden the kitchen looks outdated and on and on it goes.  So it is with my car.  I loved my wheels until I got my windows blacked out.  Now I see that the wheels need to be black….lol.  I can see that in the very near future I will have to get a job or my husband will put a leash on me…..and anyone who knows me knows that me and leashes…..well……let's say its a no-go.

Until next time…..