What a place to be. The last three years, for me, have been….oh how shall I say it….less than fun and less than healthy. And in all this, I have done a full sprint away from God…..clearly NOT my first sprint. If I ran that fast in real life, I would be a gold medal winning marathon runner. But life isn't that way. Today I was hit with the reality that my life used to be SO funny. So much fun. My friend, I call her Maria the Greek (because he last name is a million letters long) makes me laugh SO much. She is SO funny. I see her on Wednesdays. I think she is funny and she thinks I am funny. Today we both broke out in hysterical laughter and she commented that my family is like a TV family - a funny TV family. And that started me thinking. My blog used to be funny…..my life used to be funny…..I used to be funny. But then life got in the way. Actually, in reality, family (extended) and sin got in the way and in opposition to what everyone thinks, everyone in a pit of sin is NOT having fun. These last three years have been very hard on my family and on me.
But I am tired of not laughing…..tired of not loving life. Tired of taking life SO seriously all the time….always having to measure my words, my actions and make sure I have covered all my bases. That is NOT how God intended us to live life. Christ died for us to have life and have it abundantly. And my time to start living again is THIS day. I have choices each day. And lately I have made some pretty poor choices and have hurt some people I never intended to hurt. But this isn't about that. This is about getting my laugh back on. Choices…..more choices.
So today I have laughed….hard. And I have cried when I was alone. Lamenting for those I have hurt. And for the hurt caused me, but those tears were healthy tears. Sunday at church the pastor said something profound….he said that only ONE thing from earth will be in heaven……our TEARS. God holds our tears in his hands. Another part of the Bible says that the angels catch our tears and keep them. I must have a TON of angels holding all the tears that I have shed in this lifetime. Tears are healthy most of the time. But many of mine were born out of serious hurt, neglect and things unmentionable. But God has EACH one of them. That comforts me.
So tomorrow is very near. And tomorrow I must make different choices and be very cognitive of those choices. Choices to laugh. Choices to think about each step I take. Choices to chase down God for a change. Choices to look ahead and not behind. Choices to get out…..see my friends…..be who God intends for me to be. Tomorrow….
So until next time (and I hope the next post WILL be funny again!)…...
