Upside Down!

˙˙˙˙p uıɯɐʇıʌ ɟo ǝsop pooƃ ɐ puɐ ǝɹǝɥ ʇǝƃ oʇ ƃuıɹds ǝɥʇ pǝǝu ı ʞuıɥʇ ı ˙uoos uǝddɐɥ llıʍ ʇı ʎɐɹd ʇsnɾ puɐ right side up sƃuıɥʇ ʇǝƃ oʇ ƃuıʎɹʇ `ǝɯoɥ ʇɐ ʎɐʇs ı `os ˙ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ǝq oʇ sɯǝǝs ǝsnoɥ ʎɯ puɐ ǝɟıl ʎɯ ʎlǝʇɐl ʇnq `ʎɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ sʎɐʍlɐ ʇ,usı ʇı ˙sı ʇı ǝǝɹƃǝp ǝɯos oʇ puɐ `uʍop ǝpısdn sı ʇı ǝʞıl slǝǝɟ sǝɯıʇǝɯos ǝɟıl ʎɯ ˙ǝʇɐıɹdoɹddɐ pǝɯǝǝs ʇsnɾ ʇı ˙sıɥʇ ʇsod oʇ pɐɥ `ʞo

"Global" freezing

Global freezing - not warming? Yup - that is us, Eric and I that is. I saw this picture and thought immediately of myself yesterday. Wouldn't I have been better off if I had just walked out the door and stuck my tongue to a street sign rather that spout off at the mouth to Eric...you betcha! And the weather conditions were just right. But in my infinite wisdom, I chose to stay inside and let loose. So not like me.

See, Eric and I are different which is probably a good thing. Two of me would prove to be certain death. So God, in His infinite wisdom, put two very different people together. I fly by the seat of my pants, Eric is a list maker; I drive cautiously, Eric scares me; I hate mushrooms, Eric loves them; I have the gift of gab, Eric, well...not so much; I like my feet firmly planted on the ground, Eric jumps out of airplanes and the list goes on. We definitely have similarities or we wouldn't love one another, and quite frankly we compliment one another. His strength is my weakness and vice versa. So what does this have to do with global freezing you ask...

Eric (being the rational one) wants to find a "global" financial picture and I don't want any part of it...budgets are just not my thing. For twenty years he has been trying to get me to sit down and create a budget. We lovingly refer to that as the "B" word. I don't say the "B" word and Eric lives by the "B" word. He owns and operates two companies so the "B" word is all he knows. And he is darn good at it. So I figure since he is so good at it, he doesn't need me. As long as I have checks or a credit card, it must mean that there is money, right? In actuality we would probably be knocking at broke's door by now were it left up to me. So, my theory is "who cares about tomorrow" and his is "we need to prepare for the next 16 generations". Neither is totally healthy I guess...but mine certainly is more practical, right?

So, yesterday he said the "B" word...that's right. First thing in the morning he said it...the mother of all bad words! And we were off. Each of us cracking our whips, trying to be the first to the finish line - the victor! And not only did he say the "B" word, he said we needed a "global" financial picture. Now, I don't even know what that means, but certainly global is BIG and if I don't want to sit thru a regular grueling session of budgeting (oh, I just said it!) why on earth would I want to sit through a "global" anything! I knew enough to steer clear of that one. And if he said "global" picture once, he said it half a dozen times. Each time sending me farther and farther into orbit.

On my way back to earth (and reality) I saw it. Not global warming. Nope. For us, it is "global" freezing. Right there in the blink of an eye - in an instant - we were frozen. Him on the "global" picture, me on - well - I don't even know what, but be assured it wasn't "global" anything. Maybe it was. It just might have been "global" irritation.

We have not revisited this much. This morning I handed him a list (remember, he is a list guy) of points of consideration...that was a good one, right? I thought "good one, R (that's me)". I never said the "global" word and Lord knows I NEVER said the "B" word. We left it at he will go over my list, I will sit and wait. Wait for him to come to his senses and agree with me of course.

Now, I am not all together convinced that he will, and perhaps I might even have to bend my neck a bit on this one. But I still can't imagine doing the "B" thing (I bet that sounds 'dirty' to you, too, right - see it IS a bad thing) EVER, and he can't imagine me NOT...hence the freezing.

Our home is warm with a fire right now. We have love. We have our health and our family, all to the praise of our Lord. But we remain frozen on the "global" front for now. I would guess that 20 years into it, the thaw might not be right around the corner...maybe it is. But I don't see any reason to compromise my moral values by even uttering that rotten "B" word. So for now, I will continue to stick my fingers in my ears to NOT hear that word, he will continue to say it all the more frequently to get me to unstick my heels. Neither will accomplish the big thaw. But we forge ahead...ice or not...freezing or not...and in the end, we will have accomplished something global I am sure. Maybe it will be world peace. And the sad part is, we probably have a better chance of world peace than we do melting this frozen thing he calls "a global picture".

Next time, I am marching straight outside and sticking my tongue to the first metal thing I come across!

Pious Platitudes...

While this isn't really a funny thing, I chuckle at the fact that I can get SO on my soapbox, in an attempt to defend God's injustices, that I can leave this planet...talk about platitudes.

This morning was no different. Eric came home from Florida and I would guess, after this morning, he had wished he had stayed in sunny Florida. We had a "disagreement" (well, actually more like me flipping my lid and him staying in control - I HATE that!) about finances...actually tithing. I became indignant over a difference of opinion...but hey, I was defending God...just in case He couldn't defend Himself - HHHEEELLLLLLLLOOO! Am I an idiot or what! So, right into orbit I went, again, with pious plattitudes about why, biblically, I was right. Pious enough, and high enough (that is the platitude part, right?) that all I accomplished is ticking Eric off and probably made him want to tithe even less for goodness sake.

And this isn't the first time I have left the planet over theological "errors". And I might add that they are ALWAYS someone else's. Hard to believe, isn't it. I NEVER find any theological errors of my own, though other people seem to think that there are some. But, hey, who am I to disagree. Oh, yeah, that is why this whole blog started, isn't it? The disagreement. Well, suffice it to say that there was no amicable ending. As a matter of fact, there WAS no ending at all. As usual, Eric and I parted ways ticked and it will be 4 years before we revisit it. Maybe that is why we are still married (smile). With all this said, I found it almost humorous that a friend emailed me to say that they admired my faith. I had to confess that I sometimes get caught up in the injustices of it all and just cause problems. Now, I know it is hard to imagine ME being combative, opinionated OR vocal about ANYTHING, but I can be. Not all the time, but once in a great while, I can express an opinion. NOT often, about as often as I have been wrong...nearly never!

So, as the day went on and I prayed like the dickens (whatever does that mean and where did that come from? See, more A.D.D.) I realized how UNgodly I was. How, in the end, it didn't matter AT ALL what anyone else did, all that mattered is what I did. And I blew it, again! And eating humble pie is something I don't really care for. I am more a mousse or peanut butter pie girl. So, I sit here having already eaten dinner, wondering how I can fit even a single piece of humble pie in my already filled up belly. Any suggestions?

Hhhmmm. I think I do not want to upset my stomache. I have eaten all I can for the day. Maybe I will wake up hungry...maybe not. Knowing me, probably not. I will save that humble pie for another day. It is a funny thing...my mousse or peanut butter pie seems to go bad if I don't eat it right away...not humble pie, though. It seems to stay fresh forever!~

I was just wondering...

Now this is a scary way to start a thought...But this post isn't about my wondering (or wandering) mind and thoughts. That should wipe the sweat right from your brow. There will be no blonde thoughts. No ra"m"don information or thoughts. There will be no questions about rain, snow or France...maybe a comment or two about A.D.D. or O.C.D. (the France thing) but this post is about something far more serious than usual. And believe it or not, I do actually think about serious things from time to time. This topic has plagued me for years...

I was just wondering what my calling is. Now, for me, I see ALL my girlfriends finding their calling from God...some adoption...some discipling other younger women...some widows and old folks, others youth group or church deaconesses...others yet homeschooling and starting neighborhood groups or Bible studies...others supporting different groups (and being involved) like right to life or V.O.M. etc. But me...nothing.

No Right-To-Life action, no Bible Study in the home, no orphans or widows, no younger women to disciple, no church involvement to speak of...just me at home with my mom and kids and husband...same thing...every day I have my quiet time with God, journal and prayer...Wednesday and Thursday mornings are Bible study and Sundays are church. There. Done. And I struggle with this more and more.

So, why the depression? Why the 25 year struggle? Why have I continued to make the poor decisions that have left me in the dust of everyone else? I remember a point in time when I was mentoring, discipling and running Bible study in my home...now...nothin'...

No Bible study AT ALL (I attend but am not actually doing the study as I felt it was just to darn redundant at this point)...no real direction. I keep asking God "what"...and I wait. "What, God, do you have planned for me?"...and I wait...and I wait...and I wait! Have you ever felt this way? Almost lost...without direction...just in limbo...waiting. And I fear, at this point, I will be waiting 10 years from now...no answers...just the same question...

"God, I was just wondering...what do you want me to do? Please give me some direction, because...

I was just wondering...

But MOM!!!!!

As I sit here and try to write, Adam is (yet again) whining...."BUT MOM, it's early...why do I have to go to bed" and on and on...actually, right now he is trying to see what I am writing and when he saw it was about him, he giggled. He is so darn cute! BUT MOM...

I haven't blogged in "forever" as I just told Eric...he advised me that MY forever and HIS forever are totally two different forevers. His is like eons ago and mine was 2 days ago. Go figure...men actually thinking literally! So, I sit and blog...about what I wonder. Should it be my last two days...nah - boring! Should it be my new (and short) haircut - nah (I will leave you in suspense there)...maybe about Alicia...yeah. That seems like a good one. And since I am in no condition to think (actually, I never am) it will be good for me because with this one, I really don't have to think. As a matter of fact, I presume that you will all really understand that my life requires no thinking...or perhaps is a result of no thinking...you make up your mind.

I attend a ladies Bible study and at Chrismas, they do a "Ladies Tea" where anyone is welcome to join (actually Bible study is the same, but I would venture to say that the draw may be bigger for a tea!). So, this was the random time that I actually went. I came late (surprise, surprise) and sat where my usual group of bestest friends were...and I started right in...someone was talking about "blonde" moments and mine went something like this:

"I can beat that! In September, Sharon called me and told me her neighbor's daughter was in Adam's pre-school class. I asked her how she knew and she told me that her neighbor gave her the class list. I couldn't understand how her neighbor got it, I mean, afterall, it is MY church...shouldn't I be the one to have the list? How does her NEIGHBOR get the list before me...so I inquire. Sharon told me that she went to school and got the list, at which point I was bewildered at WHY she went to school...so I inquire some more. Well, Sharon goes on, she actually showed up at the first day of school and they GAVE her the list....UGH! You can imagine my surprise at this revelation! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL - YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! No, Sharon told me, she was NOT kidding....the first day of school was yesterday. At which point I wanted to DIE because it was, like I said before, MY church that the school was at, AND my daughter had already gone through the program AND somehow, I MISSED THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL...this was a Tuesday. OK, I regroup...no big one, right? So Adam missed the first day of school - what will he know. He is only 4, he will NEVER remember this! Fast forward to Thursday - 2 days later and the very next day of pre-school. We pull into the parking lot and there are no cars there - funny I thought. Maybe we got "left behind"...now those of you who are Christians will know what this means...those who are not - rent "Left behind". So I think, no, I can't be left behind. That's silly. So we walk in. I think, maybe we are early...thought the program started at 9:30...it is not quite 9:30, only like 9:25 so maybe everyone else is just late? I throw the room door open and barge right in (actually thinking I would joke with the teacher - my friend! - how funny it was that I missed the first day and all) and 'what to my wondering eyes should appear' but the teacher with a group of little children in a circle around her going over the morning date and weather...UGH again. Of course, they all turned around, startled at our entrance, and Jessi says, "Hi R, Hi Adam" at which point I say "What time does class start" and she says "9:00"...well, of course class started half an hour ago...of course I HAVE NOT BEEN LEFT BEHIND...and by now I think...of course Adam WILL remember this!"

We all laughed and I look over to the other end of the table and see a complete stranger sitting there...beautiful and rather reserved. Not saying much but smiling (musing at my density clearly) with a bit of "responsibility" look to her. I IMMEDIATELY went over to her after the tea to explain..."Hi, I am the ditz...I mean, Arrie. I don't want to scare you off or anything...I mean, I am not always that way. I really need to explain to you that we aren't all like me...I mean, well....I really AM responsible (or not!) I don't want you to NOT come back because of me, really, I am pretty harmless." Alicia was her name. She had just moved in from Arizona and really didn't know anyone. So, God, in His infinite mercy (and with that GREAT sense of humor I talked about) placed Alicia at MY table. She was SO gracious - telling me (if my memory serves me correctly - and it might not), "it's OK, we all do things like that. I am not afraid of you, I will be back!"

WHEW! And she DID come back...as a matter of fact, she is STILL around, some 2-3 years later. And she is a very dear friend to me. I still haven't heard HER tell any stories of how dumb she is and as a matter of fact, she is pretty darn smart (well, not smart enough to run away when she had the chance :0) and is an amazing wife and mother to three children. She has taught me a thing or two about organics and health, has put up with my ridiculous sense of humor, my relentless questions at Bible study, and stays around anyway. What can I say? Our God is clearly smarter than we are (I almost said smarter than I was but didn't want to shrink His bigness!) because He put Alicia next to me that fateful day and has blessed me every day since!

So, there. You have it now. My story about Alicia. Stick around, there are more stories...as a matter of fact, I have a story about almost everything...just give me some time to pull it out of the recesses of my dusty old mind...did I say old?

"BUT MOM!" has gone to bed now and I am not far behind him. I praise my God and my Savior for blessing me with some pretty special ladies! He is good!

Who's idea was it to get all these birds?!!!

OK, well maybe when it came to Chaco, it was mine...but the rest...well...maybe I wanted to give them a home so they wouldn't die being let go outside, but they annoy the living daylights out of me. Chaco is quiet (most of the time), funny, beautiful and has a great vocabulary. These cockatiels, however, can do nothing but chirp ALL DAY LONG! And I mean, ALL DAY. It doesn't bother Mina and quite frankly I think because she is hard of hearing so it must sound sweet to her - like a melody. Rae and Adam are at school all day so when they DO hear it, it isn't so bad. Eric...same thing. BUT for me, who gets far too many headaches and has far too few patience, THEY ARE KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone want 2 pearl cockatiels - male and female and a white (solid, beautiful white) pied cockatiel??

SQUEEK, SQUEEK, SQUEEK all day long starting at about 6:30 am to the point that this morning I actually prayed for God to "shut them up"...how pathetic is that. Ironically, I want to open the door and let them fly away, which is how they got here in the first place...now I know why a complete stranger was going to let them fly away and was desperate to get rid of the two and why someone let the white one fly away that it ended up at our barn! I get it now. And, of course, I could NEVER let Eric hear this. He was the one who boycotted the action..."NO"..."Over my dead body" (don't tempt me, I thought), "We don't need more birds" and so on. And of course all I could quip back was "but they are homeless". Eric said "there are lots of homeless birds and we cannot take them all"...but I didn't want to take them ALL, just 3 of them. And, now, I sit here...head aching...bewildered as to how I could have wanted these three screaming, non-stop chirping, obnoxious birds!

Somewhere in the recess of my mind I recall a famous quote that goes something like this, "be careful of what you wish for...". OK, so maybe I did wish for an aviary, maybe I did wish to save the animal world, maybe I did think beauty would prevail over annoying, maybe I did not think the whole thing through, but this is pure torture! Torture enough that I just went and got another cage and took the boisterous female and put her in it alone...afterall, she is the problem (does this resemble real life? Females being the verbose ones, the ones that can be the racket in the house? Of course NOT). I chuckle at the whole thing, thinking God has the BEST sense of humor. So for now, we have 3 (count them, three!) bird cages. Chaco, prince that he is, has the best cage all alone - his castle (oh, and a perch the size of a small apple tree), the two boys have a very large cage for themselves and Bonnie, well she is stuck in the smallest cage, in the TV room (maybe Mina will annoy her with the TV volume at 24!) with hopes of shutting her up.

Still waiting to share the Alicia story. Sometime when the birds haven't fried my nerves. As for Heather, the LORD answered many prayers, one of which is that they have a court date in March in which, if God sees to it, they will get definitive travel plans and a date to go pick up Elias from half way around the world and "Bring Elias Home..." We praise you lord! Now, can you make these birds SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Headaches ROT!

Horrific migraine headache all day...round two for medication to try to knock this thing out. Still praying for little baby Elias...no update as of now.

I never posted all the things that went wrong with all (and I mean all) my electronic devices which included a digital picture frame, new computer, old computer, ipod (actually two ipods), blackberry curve and Nikon D80 camera and vacuum (twice in the last month - everything else happened in the course of literally 5 days)...today I will add clothes dryer to the list. What's a girl to do?

I still want to post how I met my friend, Alicia, but this headache has me feeling crummy and not at all creative...as a matter of fact, it has me feeling "not at all". Maybe tomrrow I will feel more like me.

Tomorrow is Raechyl's long awaited birthday party...we will see Chris Tomlin in concert. Thank God for friends - tried and true. Sharon, once again, is pulling the load in helping me keep it all together because Eric will be in Florida (timing is everything). Tonight we are celebrating Eric's birthday because he will not be here for his...I keep asking myself how I am going to pull myself together by 5! I bought him a digital picture frame for his birthday and went to load it today. Maybe I will post the little blurb (I know, nothing is a little blurb that comes out of my mouth) about my electronics because you would then understand what a ridiculous thing it was for me to buy a digital picture frame. Suffice it to say that this one is no different than the one we bought for his father for Christmas. It is still sitting on the counter loaded with who knows what because I finally gave up.

So, Eric will turn 43 tonight, his gift is not wrapped, not even together because I give up, his other gift (a silver envelope opener engraved) fell in the dog's water bowl, so that is drying off next to the picture frame, my stomach is turning and I have blurred vision, I have absolutely NO idea how to cook the pork I bought for dinner, he saw his cake yesterday and I have to tell him it is costing over $600 to "fix" the dryer...Happy Birthday, Eric!

Headaches ROT!

Where to go from here?

I usually just sit down without much thought and just write...but not this time. I saw my friend Alicia today and loved the little time we had together. It just made me want to come home and share the story of how we met, but I had a busy day here and there and didn't get home until almost 5. Kids were wound up, Mina was hungry, dog's legs were crossed because he was about to pee on the kitchen floor, birds were talking all at the same time, so you can imagine how the atmosphere was when I walked in...not exactly the right time to do anything much less be expressive. Well, that isn't exactly true, I thought about being expressive, but what I wanted to express was that my brain felt like it was about to come oozing out my ears and every other orafice on my head!@



Then, the phone rang...it was Sharon. She wanted to ask me if I read my email, and of course, I hadn't. Our dear friend, Heather, is in the adoption process for the second time...last time from Russia (Siberia to be more exact) and this time from Africa (Ethiopia to be exact). Her boy is Elias and he is the most darling little boy you have ever laid eyes on. I will get to the email in a second...bear with me. This morning I saw Heather in Bible study and she didn't look the same to me. She really looked like she had lost that sparkle in her eye, or like she had been crying, or perhaps it really was nothing, but my spirit seemed unsettled with her...but, nonetheless, she had a brag book with new pictures of Elias...and what an angel he is. So we ooohhhed and aaahhhed over him, I revelled in awe of her and her heart for orphans and widows, even got a pang in my own heart which NEVER happens...I have NEVER felt drawn to adoption OR missions, and here I was wishing I could get on a plane and pick him up myself. So, I wondered how anyone could give their heart away to a child they don't even have yet...wondered IF their court date would be soon so that they would actually be awarded custody of baby Elias (while they know the child, they legally are not the custodians until the court date)...



Sharon told me that Heather had gotten a phone call this morning that the baby isn't eating formula and only eating starchy things which isn't good. In Africa, the bulk of the nutrients come from formula and not just simple starches like rice. Babies become malnourished and it can lead to death. Heather has a phone call into their international doctor to see if anything could be done from here. So, they wait.

I tried to post more than this, like what I felt God was speaking over my heart in this matter and actually wrote my prayers here. However, God would have it differently. I believe some days ago I wrote about my plan not being God's plan. My plan was to write it all down and have record of it...God's plan was clearly NOT for that to happen. I believe His plan WAS definitely for me to pray and pray hard...but just to Him. As I tried to save this again and again, it kept giving me "autosave failure" messages and for the life of me I could not figure out any other way to save it so I hit "publish post" and what was published was right up until "SO THEY WAIT"...

I nearly cried over the whole matter of losing all my personal thoughts and prayers so I got up and walked away. Well, it is some 2 hours later and I walked up to edit the post and looked up and saw "page" and "tools" and yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...If I click on page I find I can "save as" text (or html) document on my personal hard drive or memory stick...so that is what I will do from now on.

So, my friends, I will know in the future to click "page" and "save as" text on a stick and then post. But for now, between me and my unbelievable God who workS miracles, we will go to bed having had the most heartfelt dialogue we have had in months...Him hearing my hearts cries, me knowing He listens and cares, and Heather...well she will just have to know I love her, I pray for her and God will work this out somehow in His good timing.

UGH!

Spoke too soon...Went to meet Sharon at the top of the driveway because she has the same crummy van I do...why should we both burn all the rubber off our tires, right? So, off I go once again....and again - surprise, surprise - I get stuck about 400 times. My phone rang mid way up the driveway..."Hello" I say in a panic as my car is in drive sliding backwards down my driveway..."Honey, the dryer is broken and doesn't get hot to dry the clothes" my mom tells me as I am slipping farther and farther toward the woods...'Well, of course it doesn't work - neither does this stinking car, or the tires or the plow' I thought to myself. So, this morning's blog went straight down the toilet in about 2.5 minutes. By the time I got to the top of the driveway, Sharon was moving from anywhere near the driveway, I am guessing, so I didn't get traction at the last minute and come shooting out of the driveway like a cannon and hit her.



I park and stomp my way to her car..."did you read my blog this morning?" No, she tells me. "Well when you read it, forget everything I said...forget that I have peace and am back on track with God and that I find the snow beautiful!" I stomped my feet a bit more and told her how much I hate my car and my driveway and just about everything else I could think of at the moment.



Well, I feel better now. Got all that out. I am back to beautiful snow, God's grace and more focus on him and less on my car. BTW - Eric came home and I asked him if he read my blog - which he did last night. I told him if he was interested that he should read this morning's blog because, while he was 200 miles away, he made my blog again...didn't even need to be there...well, let me share one last thing.

As I am typing right now, my darling husband, Eric, walks up behind me and looks at what I am doing and says "Arrie's Ramdom Thoughts?" (emphasis on the spelling of Ramdom). I said, "WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He said when he came walking up the word "Ramdom" (for those less smart than me, if there are any of you, I meant to title this blog "Random") jumped off the page at him...with this said, I turned around and just said "stick around, you are about to make my blog again!"

At which point I, in a complete panic that someone might notice (duh!) I try to edit anything that would let me anywhere near the title, but guess what? That's right...they don't actually let you edit the blog title because IT IS THE WEBSITE DOMAINE!!!!!!!!

Allright, so this day didn't go exactly as expected....tires are bald, driveway has wicked tire tracks all the way up and down, dryer is dead, and my blog is called "Arrie's Ramdom Thoughts". That, my friends, just says it all! Maybe tomorrow I will tell you all about the first time I met my dear friend, Alicia! That will just reiterate how blonde I can be...remember in my random (or should I write from now on - ramdom?) information about me I said I cannot any longer remember my natural hair color? Well, for now, suffice it to say....BLONDE~!

Snow!

OK. Well I had said I like the snow and that I had plowed, right? Well, Eric said to me this morning that Rob, our neighbor, plowed - so I set him straight :0) I looked outside and sure enough, the driveway was still OK, though you can't see the blacktop. BTW-for anyone who doesn't know, my driveway is 1/2 mile long and winds up (or down - depending on which way you are going) a mountain. In fact, I have actually had delivery men call to tell me they think they got lost to find out they were 200 feet from my house! Adam was whiny this morning and didn't want to take his medicine...delay...got up late...delay...still whining about medicine...delay...Raechyl complaining that we are going to be late for school...delay...me - well I am determined that Adam will take the medicine before we leave because, as I tell my children, if it is a battle of wills - I win. Makes no difference to me if they are late - it isn't my records...I have all day to wait...No, I will NOT put the medicine in something else, it is already in your milk...no, I don't care if you like it or not...you get the picture. So, in the end, I settled for him at least trying to drink it and compromised...he tries it and if he doesn't like it, he will drink it in something else when he gets home - and we know where that went...will drink it when he gets home.

Ready to leave...go to get in the car...doors literally frozen shut. It is a minivan and this isn't the first time this happened. Both back doors - neither would slide to open. OK, front seat and crawl in back...nope. Can't do that because there is so much crap in the front seat they cannot even get to the seat to crawl over. OK, we'll use the trunk. So, off we went to the trunk with backpacks and they heaved them over the seats and crawl over the back seat to get to their seats. OK, now we're off.

Or not! I get about 200 feet up the driveway and I begin to slip - and swear under my own breath how rotten my car is in the snow. Go faster, right? Wrong. My tachometer was reading in the 5000 range and you could smell the rubber burning but I was determined to get up this darn driveway. But by this point, I am no longer grumbling under my own breath, I am flat out complaining - and loud! Then, poor Eric gets in it. "If he would just take my stinkin car when it is icy"..."I bet he will say that I wasn't doing it right - afterall, he has no problem getting up the driveway in my car" at which point I confirmed in my head that HE should have taken the car and left me the 4WD vehicle. More rubber burning, more engine screaming...FINALLY!!!!!! We make it.

...at which point Raechyl points out that we could have taken the 4WD jeep sitting in our driveway - UGH! I hate when I am rebuked! Get to school and the doors are STILL frozen and these poor kids, in front of everyone, had to come climbing out the trunk. I am laughing right now as I realize how funny it must have been for all the moms in cars behind me. WHEW - that's over.

As I am driving home, I am listening to a Charles Stanley sermon (he is a preacher) and it is all about listening to God...and it hits me. Did I pray about this whole thing - NO. Did I, at any point, replace my negative thoughts with His truth - NO. Did I act godly with my children - NO. Did I appreciate His dumping snow from His storehouses in heaven - NO...should I go on. I didn't think so.

So, while I was in love with the snow in my cozy warm house, I quickly abandoned ship when it no longer suited me. Isn't that just like us (humans)! When things are going our way, things are good and we praise God. When things aren't, not only can we get off course, but we forget all about how good things were 10 minutes ago. So, my lesson of the morning was praise God in ALL things. I know that intellectually, but sometimes my heart lags behind - like this morning. Once I got it and got back to basics with God, you know exactly what I am going to say - don't you? Yes, my car doors opened freely...Yes, my driveway is melting and is not slippery at all...Yes, the snow is still beautiful and I am done with my brain cramp. God, in my opinion, has a great sense of humor - He has to in order to continue to put up with me.

I am off to Whole Foods with my dear friend, Sharon. Wish me luck getting back up my driveway!

Husbands...

OK, I invited Eric to the blog and guess what? He isn't interested. That fascinated me...ok, not "fascinated"...maybe annoyed me...ok, maybe not "annoyed" but it "somethinged" me. I just don't get men. We women like to read about and know one another on a more intimate level...men...not so much. I was at the theatre once with Sharon and her husband Shawn and Eric. Sharon and I began discussing how horrified we were to have forgotten a girlfriend's birthday. We went on and on like only women can do..."I can't believe it"..."she must have been so hurt"..."We need to call her"..."we should take her to lunch"...like that. Then our men got involved. They must have been musing over our conversation because one of them blurted out "Guys just aren't like that. We would be sitting at a bar and realize we forgot the other's birthday and say 'hey, happy birthday dude' and that would be the end of it". See, it must be a guy thing. I invited some girlfriends and they lurk here now and again...my husband...well, he is a guy, and I just don't get men. So, with that said, my husband might look (purely to avoid the question the next time "did you check out the blog") but certainly won't stay involved and my girlfriends...suffice it to say that girlfriends are just different that way. Must be the way God wired us. I guess all that emotion that sends me into orbit every so often is the same emotion that keeps us united.

Today was another fire day. Had a great time catching up with Karen and loving on Ethan. Enjoyed the playdates, saw Kelly for a moment and even plowed the driveway for my hubby (he is working late - I feel for him). I am looking forward to seeing my friend, Donna, for lunch tomorrow then doing music with the kids and having our usual dinner out on Tuesday's at the Valley Pub. Until next time...

Passport to Purity...Uh, Maybe Not...

OK, came by at 4:30 this morning and thought I should write...nah. Maybe I will just go read my bible...so I did. Waited for Sharon to call for our daily prayer at 6 am but no call. Today is a holiday (I think) and kids are home from school, so good call on Sharon's part. Fell asleep at 6:30 and just woke up. My friend, Kelly, took 2 of her 3 children skiing...Gab is here with us. I envy that Kelly. Always a doer...me...I'm a non-doer, sliding thru life on Eric and Sharon's coat tails. Kelly's husband, Timm, travels a bit for work and sometimes is gone 2-3 weeks at a time. They have a large dog (which you could literally saddle and ride) named Rohan...just by that name you KNOW he requires a great deal of attention, food and of course, walking because his bladder holds about 6 quarts of water. Combine that with owning a horse, riding lessons, shows, ballet and piano lessons, hockey and football (which are both grueling schedules), soccer, and maybe even a little tennis. GO, GO, GO! Man o man...I don't know how she does it, and she does it ALL! Shoveling, spreading mulch, leaves, car maintenance, oil changes, paying bills, taxi driving, cooking and laundry and the list goes on and on...oh, I forgot, she also teaches Spanish. Ok, so you all wanted to know a super mom...well, here she is. The amazing thing is that she would deny it and most likely say she was none of that (she really is all of that). So, today when she could be sitting by a fire, reading a nice book, relaxing and sleeping in, she decides she will take her kids skiing on their day off...as for me, mine are still in their jammies (me, too - you already know how much I love jammies) sitting around with me...doing not much of anything. How in earth did I get from passport to purity to Kelly? See...A.D.D...gee, how did France get so far away and why is chocolate not listed as a major food group and oh, I have something in the oven (see - party in my head all the time).

Back to basics...Passport to Purity. It is a 5 week session that our youth group is doing for our middle school. At first, it sounded pretty good to me, I mean, who doesn't want their youth to be pure?! Surely, we ALL want God's plan for our children, don't we? I can definitively say one thing for sure...I DO NOT want my children gallopping down that trail filled with dirt and dust that I ran down! So, passport to purity sounded pretty good to me. Until this morning.

Eric went to the mandatory parent meeting last night to discuss the plan...what would they cover and to what extent, blah blah blah. So, in my excitement this morning, I went right to Eric..."Did they give you any written information about the group?". "Yeah, they did"...."can I have it, can I have it"...now for anyone who may read this and not really know me well, I can be (OK, I AM) driven by emotion, sometimes rattling Eric's cage a bit. I could see the anxst in him...he is a dead giveaway...reddening face, an ever-so-minor tilt back and sometimes even a roll or two of the eyes. "here, but wait, I want to tell you two things..." Now, this caught my attention. Usually he would be happy to part with any piece of paper I was willing to take on and deal with, but his holding on made me a bit nervous..."What?" "They will discuss intercourse and masturbation"...WHAT !?*#?*&@ Can you even imagine my thoughts...they race without ANY input from anyone else and now they were at a break neck pace heading for the final stretch in what would prove to a race to the finish...only the race was between Eric and myself. UGH. I just wish I could turn that off once it rears it's ugly head...but I just dive right in (to my own emotions, that is). So, there I went, right down that emotional trail and got so dirty that I could barely see. "No, I am not OK with sending her....She is only 12...I already talk to her about all these things....DATING! Are you kidding me, she is 12!...limits...how far should you go - Here, let me tell you...NOT FAR AT ALL...as a matter of fact, she will never leave this house - that's how far she should go" and on and on I went...just to be face to face with Eric's rationale - "I think you should talk to Mary and Shawn DeMoss (youth pastor and his wife)". Dang! Knocked me right off my horse! "But, I don't need to talk to them...what is to talk about...". So you can now picture the scene...me on my high horse and Eric waiting for my storm to subside. And, eventually it did. I took the paper upstairs, prayed a bit and read my Bible. And, can you believe it! God agreed with me (He usually does - NOT). But I really feel like in this matter, He is OK with me not sending her. Now, this is not the norm. See, I always have some plan...some plan of attack...some thing that I think should go down a certain way. Sure, I pray about it...sure, I hear God...sure I want to be obedient and many times, in my selfishness, I go about my plan the way I am sure God agreed to just to have His plan be unveiled to me. See, His plans are ALWAYS better than ours. He can see it all and only wants what's best for us. He is our Father. He would NEVER give us something that wasn't best for us. Kind of like us as parents. I would NEVER send Raechyl to something that I did not think was in her best interest. I would never give her something that would hurt her, even if she wailed about it (like the cell phone thing - she wails and pleads and begs, but we feel it isn't in her best interest to have one so we won't cave in). That is the way God operates. We may think we need it, we may want it, we might even try to get it on our own...and maybe He will allow us to get it...but if it isn't part HIs good plan, having it will only lead to repentance. Like us (as parents), He will never reprove us simply to punish. It is ALWAYS AND ONLY to correct us. That is the awesome part of being a child of God. We can be assured that our lives are ALWAYS under His sovereign control and that He will ONLY give us what is right and just (in His plan). See...more A.D.D...from passport to purity to God's saving grace. But in fact, they are ever so related. God only wants what is best for Raechyl (and us), and so do I. Ok, so this passport to purity thing isn't for us....right now. Not never, just not right now. I discussed the entire thing with Raechyl and we are on the same page. So, with all this said, I will go now. I am going to play Farkel with Rae (sounds bad, doesn't it?). Hopefully my next post will be short and not so emotionally driven...but then again, what fun would that be?

Rae is home!

Rae came home. I was so excited. She is not the emotional type and she said she almost (emphasis on almost) cried when it was time to leave. She had a fantastic time with her youth group. It is reassuring to me, and comforting, to know that she is so "at home" with the youth group, sunday school, discipleship and church. I have been blessed abundantly with two children who truly have a love of the Lord and Scripture.

Our friends, Jeff and Heather Vanderveen, invited a few couples over for ice skating (actually hockey) in their backyard. It fascinated me when I heard they have an ice skating rink in their backyard...I found that most unusual. My dear friend, Sharon, told me that was a normal thing to do when she lived in Minnesota so she didn't find it amusing at all...go figure. Those mid-westerners...

The kids played hockey, Adam stopped something like 32 goals (in actuality it was probably more like 2) and scored a bunch, assisted in 2 according to my 6 year old with the most active imagination I have ever come across. He wouldn't try the chili because "I don't like chili" nor the chicken soup because "I don't like chicken soup". Actually, since we are on the subject of food...he doesn't like anything. Well, anything unless Aunt Sharon made it. Somehow, when my kids go to Aunt Sharon's house, everything tastes better.

The Cardinals (Arizona) just won against the Philly Eagles and are in the superbowl for the first time in 64 years, second only to the Chicago Cubs who haven't seen a world series in 100 years (Sorry Pastor Joe!)

Off to tuck Adam in and make sure Raechyl didn't fall asleep in the bathtub. She took a "candlelight" bath to warm up...apparently the weekend retreat was cold...and I guess those Vanderveen's are cold, too (only kidding Heather!) We are all whooped from the weekend, so for now I will call it a day. Oh, btw...I did choose fire today. Went to church and even stayed for fellowship...didn't go to play hockey though, my jammies were too comfy. Until tomorrow...

Useless Information...

As I read my friend, Heather's, blog I was reminded afresh how many things we all have in our lives that differentiate us from each other...like Eric (her's - not mine) bites his nails, and they have a dog that my Eric lovingly refers to as "Tripod" (he has three legs and his real name is Jax). Now, to me, this information is not useless, but I began to ponder all things that make me, well...me. All the things that go in my head. I have told people that I don't go to parties because I have no need - my head is one big party! With this said, I thought it was fun to read Heather's blog with information about her, so I thought (yes, Heather....more inspiration from you) I would write some of the useless information about me and what floats around my head all day long...just because I can.

• I get novacaine and gas to get my teeth cleaned
• I get nervous when I hear a car coming down a driveway
• I am not even sure anymore what my natural hair color is!
• When I lost weight, my feet dropped 1.5 shoe sizes
• I used to weigh 250 pounds (249.3 to be exact)
• I always wanted green eyes
• I hate mushrooms
• I have insomnia
• I bite the skin around my fingernails
• I love fire
• I am not snuggly - like my personal space
• I never went to a school dance or my prom
• I barely graduated HS
• I was arrested once
• I stole my parents car to joyride once when I was like 12-13(ish)
• I once had 13 Michael's in my life at the same time
• My maiden name really shouldn't be Marshall, it should be Muscarella
• My dad and cousin served time in prison
• I have literally 6 active journals, none complete
• I am QUEEN of unfinished projects
• I scraplift
• I am learning Cambodian
• I never go thru the kids backpacks for their paperwork that needs to stay home
• I used to have a crush on Tom Cruise (can you believe that nonsense!)
• I am great at math....failed science
• I have over 75 pair of shoes (refuse to count bags!)
• I was once called (by a Christian counselor) a "pit-bull"
• I can only do one thing at a time
• I only use Nikon
• I hate pepsi - yes, there IS a difference

I just sat here thinking of other things that might be in my head and could not think of a thing! It is early, I have been up since 4:45 am and this is my third cup of coffee. Maybe having a blank mind isn't such a bad thing.

This next piece of info is not at all useless...it just popped into my head so I think I will share it.

I always give Eric grief for not sharing the "good" stuff with me, like what that gal in his office did yesterday or who is sick, etc...but he does share the boring stuff like what his meeting with his client was all about. Also, he ALWAYS (and I mean literally about 98% of the time) calls home the minute he leave the driveway for one reason or another. I give him grief for that, too...it is annoying. He leaves...45 seconds pass...ring...ring..."yes, Eric...what do you want..." With that said, yesterday, when He and Adam left to go to the hockey game, just like clockwork, the phone rang. "yes, Eric, what do you want"...

He proceeds to tell me..."I knew if I forgot to tell you this, you would be mad, so I wanted to tell you before I forget again"...now at this point I am wondering why he couldn't tell me in the last 3 hours we were at home together...does he just like to talk in the car...does he get lonely...is it impossible for him to leave without using his cell phone...is the percentage rate ever going to drop below 98%! (I guess these are the useless pieces of information right here!) Anyway, he goes on..."You know my cousin Jim? (his father's nephew) Well, he was at K Mart yesterday (in CT) and apparently he got into an 'altercation'. The police were called. They apparently shoved Jim (and others I would imagine) to the ground to handcuff him and now he is dead". There. This is what Eric tells me. You could imagine my shock at this piece of news. Eric never tells me anything juicy. NEVER. And he just blurts this out. Done...

Whew............

What on earth happened? Jim was 30(ish). Extremely overweight...probably a heart attack waiting to happen. He went to K Mart for whatever and apparently got into some scuffle with some other guys...now, how does this happen? I thought and thought about that and for the life of me, I cannot even imagine getting to a fight in K Mart. So, I am not really sure what the deal was, but he did. The police had to be called, which is another thing I cannot even contemplate. When they got there, it sounds like they had to forceably arrest Jim and he ended up dying...I think right there. Now, our guess is that he probably had that heart attack...being forced to lie on his belly, aggravated by the whole incident...too much to handle?

Not sure...Eric's uncle Jim said that when he identified the body, Jim Jr. was beaten pretty badly...Was it the police....Was it the altercation...Was it a heart attack from obesity or from being beaten? All these questions are swirling around the family. Jim Sr. said that apparently this not the first death in this Conneticut town with police involvement and a subsequent beaten corpse. Jim Jr. was married - no children. Eric and I have discussed this whole thing and the bottom line is this...no one deserves to die. Regardless of who caused the fight, who was obese, who may or may not have mouthed off to the cops...regardless...it was a life that is now gone...

Yup, just like that...gone.

Kinda makes you think, huh? Made me think. God says He does not guarantee a tomorrow...I know that, but this really put that into context real fast for me. So, today I will take the day. I will rejoice and be glad in it because it is the day the Lord has given me. I am not wired that way - to be glad in it...maybe one day I was, but my thinking isn't that way now. I am working hard to get back to that proper place where my mind DOES work that way. So, for now, I will force my thoughts to be captive in Christ...I will be glad in this day...I will be thankful, not thankless, and I will hopefully make good use of it.

One last thing...Rae comes home at 2:00 today! Yippee! I cannot wait to see her...until then....

Alone Time...

Well, Eric and Adam just left to go to a hockey game with Adam's friend, James, and his dad Carlos. Mina is sleeping and I find myself here alone with some quiet time. Rae is still gone and I am missing her terribly...wish I could just talk to her to know she is having a great time. Today is my niece's birthday, Katie. She is twelve. Hard to believe our girls are 12 and Adam is 6. I had my quiet time this morning and was very prayerful in my journaling, imploring God to provide me with some much needed answers...and He did. I am reading the book of Jeremiah and was on Chapter 10 and there it was. Jeremiah 10:21 "For the shepherds have become stupid and have not sought the LORD, therefore they have not prospered, and all their flock is scattered." One of my thoughts of late has been my absence from my friends. I see relationships being forged and grown all around me and I have not (admittedly by my own poor choices) and I feel like I have missed out on family time that I can never get back. I have been asking God what I am afraid of and why I continue down this road of "ashes". This morning I believe He spoke His word over my heart. He said, "Arrie, you have gotten here because you do not seek Me continuously. You cycle in and out and try to do things on your own strength. You have not prospered, nor has your family or friendships because of this, and right now...they are scattered." He went on to tell me, "But, I am with you to save you and deliver you" (Jeremiah 15:20b). He is a good God, mighty to save, long-suffering in patience, compassionate and faithful, even when I am faithless.

Again, today I choose fire. I have accomplished much today and have enjoyed my time playing games with Adam (a new dice game called Farkel). He even taught me how to play "Bakugan" (ugh -- not my thing, but it is his so I played). Of course, he won every battle less one (he had mercy on me). I still don't get it, but who cares...me and my boy had a great day.

So, Eric is off with Adam for another night of "male bonding". I will finish up some half done projects, fellowship with Mina and get a good night sleep. Slept 4 hours (at best) last night.

I am still in my jammies...comfy and familiar to me...unlike this life that is familiar to me but not so comfy. So for now, I will go on my merry way, praying and praising God for His infinite mercy. Signing off for now...comfy and feeling fulfilled.

missing my girl

Rae is gone at her youth group retreat and I am really missing her...funny...I am not a mom who normally laments these moments, but this one has hit me hard...first time away from home alone and mom is feeling it.

Snow and ice is outside on my deck and it is near zero degrees, yet there is something so peaceful and wonderful about that. Maybe it is the fire that warms it all up and makes it all work. Maybe it isn't, but whatever it is...it works.

Eric out early...it is Saturday. Adam and Mina are sleeping and the birds are actually quiet for a change. Lance is laying nearby and all is well. As I look at the fire, I realize that strangely, it is somewhat like me. I just put a large log on it and it burned fiercely for a few moments. I just glanced over to see a small flame and nothing more...just like me. On fire, fully blazing, and then...a little spark. I go put more wood on the fire and stoke it and the flames return...but for how long? Why does MY fire continue to return to a pile of ashes, not resembling anything beautiful at all. Once, it was a blazing inferno and then - just like that - ashes.

It just struck me. It isn't at all "just like that". Just as the fire went through stages to make it from blazing to cold ashes, so my life goes through stages. Unlike the fire, it isn't as simple as stoking or throwing a log on to rekindle that flame, and sometimes the ash pile becomes seemingly unmanageable. But, very much like the fire, it can be rekindled. So, this morning, I will go and throw another log on the fire...perhaps stoke it a bit...watch it blaze, knowing that the ash pile is inevitable, but that the ash is very much part of the fire and in the end, it is what keeps the coals warm to enable such a blazing fire. So my life will be today...a blazing fire if I let it...a pile of ashes if I let it...decision seems like a no brainer, doesn't it. Today, I choose fire.

Far too late and should be sleeping...

1:19 am...NEVER up at this time...trouble sleeping...so I thought I should join to blogging world.

A little about myself...I have a wonderful husband who is the most amazing father I have ever known. We have two beautiful children, Raechyl 12 and Adam 6. My 84 year old mother lives with us...we call her Mina. Raechyl named her that when she began to talk as it was as close to grandma as she could get...so Mina it has been.

We have three cockatiels (each one coming to our home in some form of adtoption)named Mordacai (we call him Mordy) and Bonnie and Clyde. They are partners in crime for sure. The day we got them they reaked havoc on our home and were better at escape than Houdini so we appropriately named them Bonnie and Clyde. We also have one Blue Fronted Green Amazon named Chaco...he is mine. He is humorous...he talks and sometimes screams, but he gets "the cage" for that. If you have something he wants, he cocks his head to one side and says "what's that"...Dog is a black chow chow (rescue dog) and is a bit old and getting feeble I fear. His name is Lance Corporal - we call him Lance. The guinea pig's name is Shiloh and we call her Shy. The horse's official name is Macho Hunter but his barn name is Buddy...he get's along with everyone.

I find myself in a transitional place for some reason...knowing some significant changes need to happen and they need to happen now....fearful. I will rely on Christ to see me through and I know I will always have the loving support of my family and friends. I thought this blogging thing may be a good place to sort it all out while staying in touch.

So that's the basics for me. Now 1:27 am and have successfully set up the blog and posted my first item. Having reread it, I am hoping it gets more interesting as time goes on.