I PLEDGE to never do that again!

Thursday is cleaning day. We have a service that we have used for over 15 years. It is a polish lady's service and NO ONE (Except the owner, Grace) speaks any english). It used to be a great service, but then something changed. The Euro buck began to beat out the American buck and as the old addage goes, "It's hard to get good help these days".

So, now we have Irene. I swear no one ever taught her how to clean. It amazes me sometimes at the things that I find. I am biding my time until we move and then we will finally let go of the cleaning service and I will begin to clean again. The reason we first ended up with a cleaning service is because, just like everything else in my life, I am WAY overboard with cleaning...breaking out toothbrushes to clean grout and bleaching everything in sight and YES, all this weekly. NO ONE cleans like I clean (ask Eric!). Now for me, I did not think cleaning needed to be taught, but apparently it does. A few things I have had to teach Irene is NOT to act like the vacuum is made of concrete and the house funiture also out of concrete. She broke my electrolux vacuum SO many times that I finally refused to pay to fix it another time and now she brings her own vacuum. Also, she apparently thinks that no dust or dirt can gather anywhere something is...for instance, she doesn't move ANYTHING on counters or floors....dust bunnies ran rampant in our home until I "taught" her how to move things and actually see that, yes Irene, dirt DOES get under things. And apparently there are no lint traps in dryers in Poland. She nearly burned out my new dryer. I showed her that the blinking light on the top of the dryer that says "CLEAN LINT TRAP" means "CLEAN LINT TRAP". I can go on and on, but I won't. I just needed to lay the ground work for what was to come.

So, Thursday Adam is home from school sick (yes, third week of school and already out a day!). So, we spent the day at home - a RARE happening for me. Chaco, my parrot, HATES the vacuum and when she uses it, he screams. For those of you who have never been privy to a screaming parrot is resembles the sound of a train running right through your head. So I jumped up to go to his perch and grab his beak (to let him know this is UNacceptable) and I, with bare feet, slipped and fell flat on my butt. "What was that" I thought. In my head I am thinking "Walk much!". I attributed it to haste and blonde and got up, grabbed his beak and sat back down. About a half an hour later the same thing happened and once again, I jumped up to get Chaco and a second time I wiped out, only this time doing some damage. I WAY hurt my back (which had JUST started healing from about 3 months of CONSTANT pain), right shoulder and right leg. I couldn't even get up to grab Chaco's beak. Once I got up and brushed myself off, I walk straight to Irene.

Now, I debated how I would put into words our communication style as I wanted it to be as it is in person, but I am not sure I can do that. I will do my best. Remember, she speaks NO english. "Irene" I say...."huh" was her reply. And I start....pointing at the floor with a mopping motion I say (loud and slow because doesn't this help people who don't speak our language understand better?) "F-L-O-O-R????" She says "Ah" and grabs the swiffer mop and shows it to me. So, I point at the sheet of cloth on it and start making a squirting motion like I am putting something on it and say "W-A-T-E-R????" She says "NO". HHHHMMMM.....now that's bizarre cause the floor was so slippery I nearly killed myself. So, I take her by the arm and go to Chaco's perch and point to the floor and proceed to take my right leg out from under myself and lean back, like I was falling and throw my arms up in the air and say "B-A-N-G" and point to the floor. She says "AH" and takes ME by the arm and goes back into the kitchen where she was and reaches into her bucket of cleaning supplies and pulls out PLEDGE! A CAN OF PLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I almost killed myself. This crazy lady put furniture POLISH on my wood floor. Now I can go off right here with another story about the irony of POLISH (wood polish) and POLISH (nationality) but I won't.

"NNNNNNOOOOOO" I say VERY CLEARLY to her. "N-E-V-E-R" I say as I show her how slippery the floor was. "Sorry" was her response so apparently she learned that one early on. OK, so I get on my hands and knees and begin scrubbing the newly refinished wood floors with ANYTHING that will take away the shine.

The next day I found out that Adam also fell twice and the second time hurt his back (can see a swollen vertibrae) in the same spot, only he had socks on so I would imagine his wipe out was a bit faster, perhaps a bit more comical covering a greater distance than my flat out fall. When I told Eric what happened he told me to lose the cleaning lady. I will...as soon as we move, so Lord, please bring a buyer for this house so we don't kill ourselves before we get to enjoy the new kitchen and back yard in the new house!

Until next time....

Home Alone

I was just browsing thru Facebook and I saw a cartoon picture of the character Dory from Nemo. Remember her? The one that spoke whale and couldn't remember from one minute to another? Well, that's me. I AM DORY!

Today started just like any other Sunday. Everyone gets up, makes our beds and heads for the shower. No one wanting to be last cause much of the time, there is precious little hot water by that time. And today, it was me. But that's ok. I had plenty of hot water. I was in the bathroom getting ready and Rae walked in and told me that she and her father were going to leave early for church to stop for a bagel. I was NO WHERE NEAR ready so we decided to take two seperate cars, which we sometimes do. She told me to take Adam but I told her to take Adam with her because he, too, might want a bagel. "OK, mom" she said and walked out.

I continued to finish getting ready. Went downstairs to finish off the coffee and got my stuff together and headed for the front door. Mina was waiting there to lock the door behind me. I put on some worship and praise music and off I went. Got to church a tad early to find Raechyl and Eric standing in the foyer with some friends chatting, checking out all the mission information our church had out on display. We started talking and laughing and Eric looks at me and says, "Where's Adam?"...uuuhhh...."Uh, isn't he with you?" I replied. "No, isn't he with you?" he retorts. Now by this time, our friends had a look of horror on their faces realizing a bit before us that we had left Adam home alone. Now, so I don't go getting myself arrested, he wasn't actually ALONE, technically. He was with my 85 year old blind and deaf mother in a wheelchair...may as well be home alone. I looked at Eric and said, "I told Rae to take him with you guys...". He looked at Rae and says, "Rae, I told you to tell mommy to take him". Rae...well she just sat there looking at both of us knowing that somehow she got in the middle. Our friends were like, "You left him home alone!!!???". I am not sure if there was more shock or humor in it all for them...but I will go out on a limb and guess it was shock!

We explained that Mina was home with him, but neither of us had phones with us and by this time, church was just about to start. So we just went upstairs, chuckling the whole way up. We sit on the pew in front and Eric smiles at me as he leans over and says "classic case of miscommunication here, huh!".

So, after service was over, I went home and found Adam dressed for church, safe and sound. So, here I sit, telling the world of another one of my "mother" stories. I can add this to my repretoire of things like Adam missing his first day of school and showing up up an hour late the second day....leaving Rae at her aunts house but remembering the dog...forgetting Rae's lunch multiple times before she finally fessed up that she was starving from no lunches...shall I go on? No, I think that is enough for one day. I am ever so thankful for a Lord that picks up my slack faithfully and who has a great enough sense of humor to entrust me to tend to 2 of his own little ones. I am pretty sure I keep Him laughing as He patiently teaches me things that must come naturally to SOMEONE out there. As for me...what comes naturally is art, horses, writing...not mothering. But they are nearly 13 and 7 and still alive and well...no thanks to me at times!

Until next time...

The Barn

Who knew that hooking up with a friend from childhood could be so much fun! Through Facebook I have reunited with some people from my "block" where I grew up. Sue is one of those people. She is a year older than my sister, making her four years older than me, but once you pass 40, the age difference becomes mute. 40, 50, 60 - same difference...who cares! And as it turns out, Sue and I have much in common. Some things I will leave you to ponder about, and others I will share. Like our love of horses and farms. Neither of us grew up with either, but somehow God instilled a love of both in Sue and me. We also have in common the love of our Savior Jesus Christ, and that bond is enough to unite complete strangers. So, we decided some time ago that one day I would pick her up and we would spend the day at the barn, where I keep my horse, Buddy. Today was that day.

We arranged all the details and this morning, Raechyl, Adam and I get in the car and headed to Sue's house to pick her up. She was walking to the car and Rae said "Wow, she is really pretty", and she is. Just striking blue eyes, and a wonderful smile. I had spent a little time wondering if it would be weird seeing her again, or would we get along, or should I be nervous and decided this morning, it was all in the hands of God. And thank You, God, that You DID keep it all in Your hands today...turned out we needed it. She got in the car, we hugged and it was yak, yak, yak the whole way to the barn. Just as if we had seen each other yesterday. I dropped Adam off at his aunts house and the girls headed over to the barn. Raechyl decided she needed to ride today to get some extra practice in so she took Buddy and tacked him up. Normally when I go to the barn on a Sunday it is to groom and love on Buddy....NEVER to ride, so I think that having Rae with us made Sue excited because she knew that meant getting some riding in. She owned a horse many moons ago, but hadn't ridden in like 15 years. Oh, and by the way, Sue (much like me) rides western, NOT ENGLISH. For those of you who aren't horse saavy, western saddles are the ones cowboys use with the big horn in front to hold on to, and English is this little sleek leather thing that resembles a mini saddle with NOTHING to hold on to...Yup, you guessed it. Rae rides English. So, she got her English tack and away we went...right to the ring. Rae warmed him up and Sue and I grew more excited with anticipation waiting our turns. I got on first to see if he was a bit nutty or mellow and for me, he was fine. Then, it was Sue's turn.

She hopped on and away she went. Right to a trot and boy did she look good. She had the post down, had the correct diagonals and just looked like she belonged on Buddy. She did a couple of laps then came in for a change. Rae got back on him and did a little jumping and riding then came back. I asked Sue if she wanted to ride again and she said of course and on again she went.

Only THIS time, she was going to show Rae how to gallop (the near fastest pace before an all out run). And, off she goes. I had her camera. My job was to take a picture of the gallop so she could see how great she looked. And before I could say go, she was off. Buddy took off like a horse out of the gate and Sue was over him, riding like the jockey in the Kentucky Derby. The only problem was that Sue is no jockey and Buddy is no racer and we were in a circular ring, which makes a full ahead gallop a bit more tedious because instead of a track straighaway, she had NO time before the turn came and do I really need to go on from here? You already know where I am going with this.

Rae says, "Mommy, she is going WAY too fast and Buddy is flying....Mommy, Uh Oh, he is nearing the turn...Oh NO! Mommy, she's off!" Now, I have to paint this picture for you. I have this little phone camera in my hand and I am still figuring out how to get a closer view of Sue on the horse, only half paying attention to Sue and Buddy...thinking I had plenty of time before she would break into a full out bolt. But, Sue had a different idea. She was going to show Rae how to gallop. She NEVER said she would show Rae how to stay on a horse WHILE they were gallopping, she only said she would show Rae how to gallop. By the time it all happened, less than 30 seconds had passed and I look up and Sue is in a mud puddle....literally. It has rained stead and hard for the last two days, so you do the math. Barn, ring, dirt, rain, horses loosening up all the ground...yup, mud and lots of it. She got up with both thumbs up yelling, "That was GREAT!". She was covered in mud. All I could think about was whether or not she was alive. She is a NUT! I was SURE she broke SOMETHING. There was NO way that she could not have been hurt. I'm telling you, she DUMPED right off that horse and Buddy never missed a step. He just kept running like lightning and headed right for the gate where Rae was and she yelled, "Whoa, boy" and he stopped...huffing and puffing from the whole ordeal. Now, of course I still can't work that stupid little camera and missed the entire thing, but asked Sue to stay where she was (posed) until I could figure it out and while I was doing that, she was spitting out dirt, rocks and mud from her mouth. I looked up after taking a shot or two and was now close enough to her to actually SEE her and I nearly fell out laughing. She was COVERED in mud....COVERED. Not a little, but COVERED. The helmet was covered, her clothes were covered and her body was covered. It was hysterical.

Once I was assured she was fine, we walked Buddy out and went to give Buddy a bath, but before we could do that, we needed to give Sue a bath. So, we hooked her up on cross ties at the wash station and hosed her off best we could. I took the hose to clean the helmet and honest to Pete, there was more mud IN the helmet than ON the helmet. She was such a great sport. Oh, she also lost three earrings in the ordeal. Not exactly sure how that happened, but I would guess that if we go to the mud puddle that she "hung her hat in" and called home, we just might find them.

Now, Sue wasn't mad at Buddy. She meerly "zigged when she should have zagged". And of course, Buddy wasn't mad at Sue. We spent a few more hours there grooming Buddy and laughing and just "mucking" around before we called it a day. I am pretty sure Sue will be feeling it in the morning, and I am also pretty sure that she won't get on the next time and give a kick to go, and I am also pretty sure that she WILL do it again as somehow she had a blast in it all. Sue is the daredevil. I am the scared-E-cat. Sue likes speed. I like caution. Sue laughs when it hurts. I cry. Sue will get on again. I would hang up my saddle and never ride again. You couldn't find two more different people. But we still have that love of horses in common and because we do, we will be back at the barn again. Maybe she will go a little slower, maybe I will go a little faster. Who knows. All I know is I still haven't told you all the things we have in common and I bet you forgot about it until now. So, you go back to pondering that. I'll go back to wrapping this up.

In the end, we had a great day. She lived. I shared. We ALL laughed and had a great time, and as for Buddy. Well let's say that Buddy got his day at the spa. He got his belly filled up on fresh grazing and tons of treats and got his stall all covered with new shavings and was a happy camper when we left. Full belly....fresh bedding and water....groomed....loved.....Buddy has it all. And as for Sue, well she HAD it all but lost half of it in a mud puddle and is now recovering nicely in the comfort of her own home. I am off to bed now. So....

until next time....

More stories at the Seitz expense (sorry Al)

OK, so way too much time has passed. Our house is on the market and we have an accepted offer sitting on some bankers desk on a short sale with half the rest of the western hemisphere. If I hadn't had a nervous breakdown, I would have had the fore thought to take pictures of the mess that preceeded the glory of a scaled down, purged, cleaned house. So, because I chose a breakdown instead, all I have to write about is our friends in Kansas City, and there is plenty I can write about. It is just choosing which story I will share that is the problem.

Alyson and I drove to the old train station in Kansas City together with the three girls and Ben. Adam and Eric followed. Well, actually, truth be told, we followed Eric because Alyson thought the station was in a direction that would have us leaving the state of Kansas. OK, so we women are a bit directionally challenged. If that were our only problem we would be fine, but as it turned out, it wasn't. We pulled up at the station. Lilly and Derek stayed behind because Lilly had not been feeling well the night before and they just wanted to give her some down time and make sure she was feeling better and they were going to drive seperately and meet us a bit later. We all pulled into the parking lot of the "old" train station (I wish I could remember the name of it) and Alyson informed us that it used to be a train station but that trains no longer use it...only to have Eric inform her (the native) that trains DO use it and oh, btw, there goes one! We got out with kids in tow and began walking toward the cat walk across the tracks that DO get used. Alyson was telling me about a dream she had when lo and behold! A little 4 year old came running across the parking lot yelling that we forgot him. Who you ask? Ben. Yup. That's right. We left Ben in the car and had NO idea that we did so. Eric, in his infinite wisdom, and by this point, having one laugh after another at Alyson's expense, chimed in..."Al, Derek had a dream that he had a son when he got home today. He also had a dream that you have two sets of keys in your purse and that he cannot come meet us today because of it". Alyson just burst out in laughter KNOWING she had done it AGAIN (as it turns out - this wasn't her first offense of taking all the keys and leaving Derek in the lurch). OK, so Alyson doesn't know how to get to Kansas City, and she cannot count kids efficiently, and has a thing for car keys. But the best was yet to come.

When we went to sign in and get tickets for an exhibit, they asked us if we were from Kansas City, Missouri and Alyson answered yes. Just to be corrected by Cara, an eleven year old, that "Mom, we live in Kansas, not Missouri". The day got better and better, but because I am about to pee my pants (again) laughing as I write, I will save the rest for another time...

Like when Alyson gave a hamster CPR...or when Derek fell on (and killed) the cat....or when Alyson and I left Kansas and drove an hour into Missouri before she realized that "there was no place like home" and Missouri wasn't it...

Al, you are such a good sport. Thank you for allowing me to share these stories (and embellish when necessary). I can do it with a good heart knowing that I have already told the readers about my bads like missing the first day of school, driving through my garage door and more.

Until next time....