Thursday is cleaning day. We have a service that we have used for over 15 years. It is a polish lady's service and NO ONE (Except the owner, Grace) speaks any english). It used to be a great service, but then something changed. The Euro buck began to beat out the American buck and as the old addage goes, "It's hard to get good help these days".
So, now we have Irene. I swear no one ever taught her how to clean. It amazes me sometimes at the things that I find. I am biding my time until we move and then we will finally let go of the cleaning service and I will begin to clean again. The reason we first ended up with a cleaning service is because, just like everything else in my life, I am WAY overboard with cleaning...breaking out toothbrushes to clean grout and bleaching everything in sight and YES, all this weekly. NO ONE cleans like I clean (ask Eric!). Now for me, I did not think cleaning needed to be taught, but apparently it does. A few things I have had to teach Irene is NOT to act like the vacuum is made of concrete and the house funiture also out of concrete. She broke my electrolux vacuum SO many times that I finally refused to pay to fix it another time and now she brings her own vacuum. Also, she apparently thinks that no dust or dirt can gather anywhere something is...for instance, she doesn't move ANYTHING on counters or floors....dust bunnies ran rampant in our home until I "taught" her how to move things and actually see that, yes Irene, dirt DOES get under things. And apparently there are no lint traps in dryers in Poland. She nearly burned out my new dryer. I showed her that the blinking light on the top of the dryer that says "CLEAN LINT TRAP" means "CLEAN LINT TRAP". I can go on and on, but I won't. I just needed to lay the ground work for what was to come.
So, Thursday Adam is home from school sick (yes, third week of school and already out a day!). So, we spent the day at home - a RARE happening for me. Chaco, my parrot, HATES the vacuum and when she uses it, he screams. For those of you who have never been privy to a screaming parrot is resembles the sound of a train running right through your head. So I jumped up to go to his perch and grab his beak (to let him know this is UNacceptable) and I, with bare feet, slipped and fell flat on my butt. "What was that" I thought. In my head I am thinking "Walk much!". I attributed it to haste and blonde and got up, grabbed his beak and sat back down. About a half an hour later the same thing happened and once again, I jumped up to get Chaco and a second time I wiped out, only this time doing some damage. I WAY hurt my back (which had JUST started healing from about 3 months of CONSTANT pain), right shoulder and right leg. I couldn't even get up to grab Chaco's beak. Once I got up and brushed myself off, I walk straight to Irene.
Now, I debated how I would put into words our communication style as I wanted it to be as it is in person, but I am not sure I can do that. I will do my best. Remember, she speaks NO english. "Irene" I say...."huh" was her reply. And I start....pointing at the floor with a mopping motion I say (loud and slow because doesn't this help people who don't speak our language understand better?) "F-L-O-O-R????" She says "Ah" and grabs the swiffer mop and shows it to me. So, I point at the sheet of cloth on it and start making a squirting motion like I am putting something on it and say "W-A-T-E-R????" She says "NO". HHHHMMMM.....now that's bizarre cause the floor was so slippery I nearly killed myself. So, I take her by the arm and go to Chaco's perch and point to the floor and proceed to take my right leg out from under myself and lean back, like I was falling and throw my arms up in the air and say "B-A-N-G" and point to the floor. She says "AH" and takes ME by the arm and goes back into the kitchen where she was and reaches into her bucket of cleaning supplies and pulls out PLEDGE! A CAN OF PLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I almost killed myself. This crazy lady put furniture POLISH on my wood floor. Now I can go off right here with another story about the irony of POLISH (wood polish) and POLISH (nationality) but I won't.
"NNNNNNOOOOOO" I say VERY CLEARLY to her. "N-E-V-E-R" I say as I show her how slippery the floor was. "Sorry" was her response so apparently she learned that one early on. OK, so I get on my hands and knees and begin scrubbing the newly refinished wood floors with ANYTHING that will take away the shine.
The next day I found out that Adam also fell twice and the second time hurt his back (can see a swollen vertibrae) in the same spot, only he had socks on so I would imagine his wipe out was a bit faster, perhaps a bit more comical covering a greater distance than my flat out fall. When I told Eric what happened he told me to lose the cleaning lady. I will...as soon as we move, so Lord, please bring a buyer for this house so we don't kill ourselves before we get to enjoy the new kitchen and back yard in the new house!
Until next time....
