All right. I have done some bizzarre things in my life...for real. I have darn near run myself over (I'll save that one for another time), I have been hit by a car, I have jumped out my window and nearly broke my ankle, I have walked around on a broken ankle for 9 days...I could go on and on. However, I do believe yesterday tops the list (lately anyway) of all time stupid things to do...even for me!
I went out to the barn to check things out. Make sure there are no critters (mice), check the traps, and of course check the plants I planted outside the barn (clematis) which were near dead by the time I got them IN the ground. I was sure they were totally dead by now, but much to my surprise, they were alive and well. Actually greening up and looking to climb something. When I prepared the garden outside the barn for planting (cleared away about three years of leaves, junk and decayed mulch) I found the mother of all cactus plants growing. AMAZING. A cactus (large I might add) growing in NJ...surviving winters. The thing is HUGE. Well, I decided to leave it at that time because I was just amazed. Well yesterday when I saw my two little plants struggling to survive the massive cactus, I decided to pull it...bare handed. Heck...there were NO visible prickers on it. NONE. So I grabbed all the way down near the root (apparently where the prickers are razor sharp and the size of hair) to pull and within seconds I was on my knees in pain with a hand full of razor sharp prickers that you literally could NOT see.
Now I know what you ALL are thinking because I thought the very same thing....IDIOT GIRL! What kind of an idiot grabs a cactus (visible or invisible prickers) by the base and pulls! Who on earth does that! IDIOT GIRL! So I stood there, staring at the deeply evil purpetrator who left me wounded and scarred...the damn cactus. I cannot even describe in words what was going through my head...it would be banned from Facebook for all the expletives! OK, now I needed to devise a plan to get these things out of my hand...which needed to be clever because I can not even see the damn (oops, darn) prickers, but boy oh boy could I feel them.
So I began feeling around with my other hand to find them. Man, as soon as I rubbed over one it was like a chard of glass pounding in my hand. HHHHHMMMMMM......OK, so I decided, since I can't see them but could feel them with my other hand (barely) but could not pull them out because they were like 1/8" long - AT BEST! So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to feel around with my tongue till I felt them and then use my teeth to pull them out. OK, plan seems reasonable. So I started feeling around....BINGO! Got one. Success. BINGO - got another. OH! WAIT! What is that! NO WAY! That pricker made its way from the tip of my tongue to my gums. ALL OF THEM! So now I am trying to pull prickers out of my tongue and gums AND the hand that is still loaded with hair like prickers.
To make a longer story short....I had no success with my nails so I went upstairs to get a tweezer to pull them out. Suffice it to say that if you cannot see them in your hand you surely cannot see them in your mouth on the roof of your mouth none the less. So after about 45 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I decided to just let them take up residence there and hope for the best. This was yesterday...
Today my mouth is sore, but my ego is more sore. This definitely ranks up there with running myself over with my own car!
Until next time...
