The Music Den...

Meeting two weeks ago at school about the new music program they are offering....being a very small private school they really don't have a "band" program...music yes but not utilizing instruments.  So we partnered with a company called Faith Music Center who now comes in once a week to teach our children instruments.  Adam chose the clarinet....Rae chose the guitar.  Oh yes, side note....guitar wasn't one of the instruments offered....so of course, that drove us to yet ANOTHER private music studio for a guitar and for lessons.  And of course, guitar is like the ONLY instrument you CANNOT rent.  So, now we are a guitar poorer and lessons weekly OUTSIDE of our school...OMG....did I just get SO sidetracked.  This is definitely A.D.D.!!!!  And why DOES the best chocolate come from Hungary?   Oh....music den....

So Faith Music Center has a deal with the Music Den (a local company) where they rent out instruments of the highest quality (usually brand new) and they cover the instrument with insurance so we, the end user, does not have to.  Most music studios charge for insurance and either offer three month rentals or monthly rentals...but our program is 5 months long...the Music Den offers 5 month rentals with the option to buy, applying all the rental money toward the purchase if you should so choose.  So, after this meeting I decided, merely a week later, that perhaps it was time to rent that clarinet since Adam already had one lesson with NO instrument....YUP.....going for MOM OF THE YEAR AWARD again (see previous post about that one....)  So off to the Music Den we go.

Fist off, we walk in to a completely empty store.  Open, but void of any people.  Adam and I are wandering around looking, looking, looking...no one.  So I start with the, "Hello????  Anyone here????" as we wander.  Nothing.  So I get a little louder, "HELLO?  ANYONE?"...nothing.  So I go to the back of the store and see an office with someone sitting at a desk, his back to me.  So, I figure he must be deaf so now I say it even louder, "HELLO!!!???"  At which point he spins his seat around and replies (in a snotty voice I might add), "Isn't someone out there!"  UH....DUH....OK, I MAY be blonde, and I might even be slow, but I am NOT stupid (you will see the humor in this statement later in the post! HA!)  "Uh, no...or at least I can't find anyone" I replied.  At which point he spins around again, his back to me again and calls someone who walks out from behind the door and steps up to the counter.  As soon as he came out the man sitting at the desk wheeled back to the door and slammed it shut!  Ok then....

So I proceed to tell this man that I need to rent a clarinet and gave him the paperwork from Faith Music Center.  He handed it back to me telling me he didn't need it.  Ok, I thought, he must know all this info already.  OK, I ask about renting the clarinet and guitar.  No guitar rental, but a clarinet he has.  He gets the paperwork ready to fill out and I begin to inquire about guitar lessons at which point he tells me that they only take cash for lessons....???!!!  What?  Who does that?  I've never heard of such a thing.  So I explain that I NEVER have cash.  So rather than having to remember to go to the bank each week I ask if I can prepay for the month by check.  "No, I told you we only take cash"...Wow....WAY weird.  So I tell him that I need to hold off on signing up for guitar lessons cause I need to check some other studios, but in the mean while, go ahead with the clarinet paperwork.  He begins to fill it out and explains to me the three month rental agreement and the $8 per month insurance charge.  Hhhhmmmm I thought....this is odd.  I could have sworn that the rental agreement was 5 months and that insurance was included but I guess I must have misunderstood....Lord knows it wouldn't be the first time I got something wrong.  I go ahead and pay for the clarinet and go on my way.

We get home and checked out the instrument and were shocked to see it was old, dirty and NOT in good shape.  Whatever, it makes noise and for now, that is all that matters.

The next morning, Sharon and I are on the phone getting ready to pray and I start telling her about this incident the day before at the Music Den....how weird it was that they were so rude, that the clarinet was crappy and that they only take cash....seems shady to me, but hey, who am I.  So Sharon starts telling me that I must be mistaken because she knows for a fact that the Music Den takes credit cards for lessons.  Not convinced it was ME that was wrong I question her.  She goes on to tell me that her daughter, Anna, has been taking lessons at the Music Den for years and she went there the day before and paid for them with a credit card, like she does every month.  And she was also surprised at the shape of the clarinet they rented me....

At this point, a light bulb goes on because she asked the dreaded question, "Are you SURE you were at the Music Den?"....uh oh....I reply, "Where EXACTLY IS the Music Den?"...she proceeds to tell me it is in Ledgewood Mall.....hhhhhmmmmm....then I had to ask, "So what is the music place on Route 46 in Budd Lake?!?"......."Robbies Music Center" she replies......OH GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!   *^%$@@#%*,,,,,,,How on EARTH could I have made that mistake (see the irony here of my saying earlier that I may be many things, but I am NOT stupid!)  OK, so now I am stuck with this crappy clarinet paying insurance that I shouldn't have to pay for a shorter contract than I need....She says, "Go back and explain it to them and get your money back"....

UGH!  So the next day I went back, tail between my legs, and proceed to TRY to explain, with a shred of dignity, why I have to return this clarinet a day later.  They must have asked me three times to tell them again.  I'm not sure if they were slow or they just were enjoying watching me writhe in self pity as I clambered to explain the stupidity of it all....I'm guessing it was the latter.  So, in the end I DID get all my money back except the first month insurance ($8 and WELL worth it to get out of that rotten deal).  From there I went to the REAL Music Den and....can you believe that they took credit cards!  AND they paid the insurance!  AND they DID offer a 5 month rental AND, HEAVEN'S TO BETSY they rented me a BRAND NEW clarinet!  Imagine that....

Yes, this is my life.  Yes....I am crazy and surprise even myself pretty consistently!  Anyhow.....

Until next time....

Five Minutes before Judgment....

As I contemplated the events ten years ago today, I wondered how many of the dead were not saved...how many had met their death before ever making a decision to receive the grace offered us by Jesus Christ in his probationary death for us....how many?

As I contemplated this I was listing to a a preacher who reminded me that each and every one of us will sit at the Great White Throne and give account for every word and deed we have ever spoken or performed....saved or unsaved....we will all answer to Jesus.  As I thought about this, I asked the Lord to show me....what have I said and done in this sometimes apathetic life...and I wept at what I saw...

My first sight was Billy...and all the times I had opportunity to share Christ with him...but never did.  I was a new Christian and the ONLY Christian amongst my friends.  I just never did.  Fear...  Christ's eyes were remorseful, but ever so loving...and there was Billy.  The Lord did not reveal to me whether or not Billy was in heaven or hell, but He did make it clear to me that I wasted many opportunities to ensure Billy knew the truth.  But my Jesus, He never shared any feeling other than total love for me...I never felt ashamed, or unloved....simply seeing what could have been.  Next was my childhood...

We went back.  Very far back.  I was only a child.  Abused.  Neglected.  Unloved and at times, unlovable.  But Jesus showed me in brief pictures the good of it all.  From a flash of some abuse to the flash of sharing with another woman abused, providing hope and understanding and comfort.  Another flash of unkind words and actions at the hand of an earthly father to a flash of kind, loving words from my Heavenly Father...again, no shame; only love and compassion.  I wondered why Jesus showed me this way...why not just get it over with and show me all the ugly at once, but I guess that isn't how our loving Father operates...never all the ugly at once, and always the ugly covered by honor and good.  Somehow...

More flashes...things I cannot even share but Jesus managed somehow to cloak each and every one with honor and dignity, even when there was none.  My Jesus, how he loves me.  He reminded me that even though time was not always used the way He would have me use it, He was very pleased with me and oh, how He loved me.  I wondered why I had to see all the ugly, even though it was through a veil of dignity and love....why I wondered.  And then He showed me.

He stepped aside and that is when I saw it, flashes so fast I could hardly make sense of it with my eyes, but somehow my mind understood.  Somehow I was able to see all the things that could have been.  Again, I didn't seem to feel anything negative...nothing other than utter love and comfort.  Even the things that could have been....like sharing with Billy.  Like not being so steeped in self loathing that I would mutilate myself and instead knowing MUCH earlier how much the Lord loved me...or not being so hurt by my past that I would step out and do such deplorable things I cannot even write them...but rather have the family and marriage MANY years earlier that God had ordained from the very beginning.  I saw blessing after blessing after blessing....smiles, love, no struggles, children so secure in the Lord EARLY, a husband who was loved and honored from the beginning regardless of circumstance and me...a wife in submission - in love with honor for my earthly husband and my Heavenly Husband.  There was so much more to see, so much more to process.  Flashes, flashes...a baby in heaven - mine.  Loved and with my Jesus.  Even this He blessed.  He showed me my body closely and somehow all the physical scars were gone - every last one of them.  He showed me the inside, my heart, and it too was clean.  He showed me my friend Jackie, waiting for me - smiling at me...oh Jesus - more love.  He wanted me to know that even in the mess of things, there were blessings - and when blessings were missed, there was love...and honor.  Love and honor for ME - the wretch that I am.  But not to God.  Nope.  Not to God.  Somehow to God I remained HIS love, HIS daughter who He loved from the beginning.  It was hard for me to understand though, why the suffering, why not call me in the beginning...and Jesus must have known my heart because at about that time, He looked at me, with those eyes...oh those eyes.  So filled with love and honor for ME!  And again, no words, He simply stepped aside.  And again, flashes.  More flashes.

This time of what was...and what would have been if I had NOT done each and every thing I had done or had not suffered each and every thing I suffered.  Like the wife who simply could not bear another day in her home, but God led her to me...and I shared.  And He showed me her and her family....still together.  Happy.  And the young lady so wrapped up in drugs that she could not even think, but God led her to me...and I shared.  And He showed me her - happy and helping others heal, just like she did.  And she was sharing the love of Christ with them ALL!  See, my words did not fall on deaf ears, but on ears that were hopeless - a message of hope - Jesus.  And now she shares her hope with them - the hopeless.  And that one person who thought they were above a certain area of sin, vulnerable and didn't even know it.  But my heart broke and I shared my fall, how I ought to have been the VERY LAST person to fall in this area.  Yes, I told her everything.  And she had ears to hear.  She didn't know it but Jesus showed me...if I had not shared, her life would have been devastated, but because I shared, she went another way...the way of love and freedom - the way of Jesus.  He showed me it all.  He showed me how, even though there were countless times I blew it, He still used them.  He still loved me.  He still held me.  Flashes, flashes...Somehow He used it all.

And then the things that I DID do in obedience...oh how He shone when He stepped aside again to reveal His pleasure here.  The times I fought the hard fight, like Abraham, in hope against hope.  And how He blessed me and my family.  How I stayed obedient and He healed my Raechyl....and my Adam.  Each differently but both healed - miracles.  And how He, because in obedience I bore my complete soul to my husband, how HE gave Eric a heart to hear and a heart to forgive.  Oh how Jesus smiled when He showed me that one!  Flashes, more flashes.  Lines and lines of unknown people to me.  Who were they I wondered.  And no sooner had I wondered when He somehow managed to, without words, convey to me that they were the NEW citizens of heaven....because of His love for ME!  People I don't even recognize. Somehow MY life made a difference to them....flashes, more flashes.

But the beautiful end.  He sat down on a beautiful white throne, radiance beyond comprehension.  Oh those eyes.  He just looked at me with those eyes.  They spoke thousands of words, but He never said one.  Then I saw it.  The most beautiful crown.  So beautiful.  Jewels I have never seen and can not lay words to.  Shining, radiant like my Jesus.  And I knew what He was saying.  I knew what He wanted from me...

I picked up that crown, oh that crown...it was my WHOLE life.  The one that He had been keeping which represented MY life...MY works.  Done and undone.  See, I always thought my crown that I would give Him would be empty.  But He would not have it that way...not my Jesus.  I knew what it was there for.  It was as if I was the ONLY person He had ever seen and that crown was the ONLY crown He had ever seen.  Oh, those eyes.  I knew...I knew. I bent over, picked it up and knelt at His feet.  Bowed down, prostrate in front of Him.  I knew...I looked up into those eyes.  I reached out, handed it to Him and as if this was the ONLY crown He would ever receive from His ONLY child, He smiled at me...and oh those eyes.  He bent His head down, humbly, and I reached over and laid it on His head.  He raised His head and those eyes...those eyes said a million things at that moment, but they were all summed up in one feeling - honor.  He was honored with the crown...my measly crown that could have been so much more...should have been so much more.  But not to Jesus - not to my Jesus.  It was EVERYTHING to Him.  And I knew what He was saying to me....

"Arrie, we have five minutes before judgment....go back.  Live.  Love.  Share.  Obey.  Never, but NEVER regret the past because I will use it for My glory and your good.  There will NEVER be a moment wasted, but remember, only five minutes..."

TILES FOR AMERICA.BLOGSPOT.COM

Today while walking around Greenwich Village in NYC, we came across a memorial to those who lost their lives on 9-11-2001 at 7th Avenue and 11th Street.   A lady was standing near literally piles and piles and piles of tiles, encouraging anyone who walked by to help rehang the tiles.  You see, this memorial had been taken down immediately before Hurricane Irene hit, in an attempt to avoid any potential damage to the tiles, and now they are being rehung in time for the ten year anniversary of the tragedy that hit our nation on that fateful day.  I was both honored and privileged to be a part of rehanging these tiles.  My husband and I hung tiles for nearly an hour.  I also saw a tile made by Lorrie Veasey (who created this memorial - read about her and the memorial at the above bloodspot) that had my dear friend, "William Martin, Jr."'s name on it.  I was very curious when I got home as to how this came to be.  The title of this blog is where you can go and see its story.

In rehanging the tiles, I was blessed to meet some of the Villages residence, who like me, were hanging tiles.  I heard some stories of the memorial fence, how the city wants to build on its spot and how the people are working together with the city to come to some compromise...stories on how St. Vincent's hospital used to be there, and how the doctors and nurses stood outside the hospital on that day, waiting for any survivors to come and receive care; and how no one came...stories of different tiles, even a picture of the fence as it was prior to Irene.  Such togetherness....such pride....such a privilege to be a part of it.

 Inspired, I decided that my two children and I will go make a tile each, in memory of those who lost their lives, and then we will drive to the city to hang them on the fence...our way to put our healing touch on that fence.  Our hearts were broken, like much of this nation, on that day as we lost a very dear friend.  We have mourned, had memorial services, created the WJM Foundation (William J. Martin) which raises money annually to donate to various agencies that help needy families, written letters, cards, scrapbooked and much more...all in an attempt to heal our own broken hearts.  I believe that this, too, will provide some much needed healing for us and at the same time, honor those who have gone before us, many FAR before their time.

Sadly enough, St. Vincent's is no longer a functioning hospital, having shut their doors some years ago.  Also, sadly enough, Lorrie Veasey has been removed from the foundation that now runs this memorial.  I'm not sure really, but I think that sometimes we, sinful humans that we are, lose sight of the important stuff...like what the memorial is really about, and who started it, and who we are trying to honor and remember.  In the end, I guess, the only thing that IS important is that we NEVER forget all those people who died, many never being found....like our friend, Billy.

So, for Billy, and for the countless others that met their tragic end that fateful day, I remember.  I care.  I hung tiles.  I will make a tile to add.  I will NEVER forget, not ever, that this country is ONE in spirit, founded under ONE God and, God willing, will ALWAYS remain, the land of the free...and the home of the brave.

Here's to you, Billy!!!!