I tell ya, this cooking thing just isn't for me. Now you know it is bad when you go to your doctor and see your friend there who says that she cracks up when she sees me posting something about cooking on facebook. She told me in the 20 years I have been with Eric that I have NEVER cooked, and while that isn't completely true, it is largely true. So, holding true to my character, my mouth engaged before my brain had a chance to think. Hate when that happens. I did that once in church (OK, I've done it tons of times, but this one particular time in church...) someone who I didn't know came up to me and asked me if I knew someone who could watch her seven year old son while she worked. She went thru this whole story about being newly divorced and having to work two jobs and needing someone to pick up her son at school on Tuesdays and keep him till like 7 and before my brain had a chance to engage, my mouth shouted, "I will do it"..."what!!!" I thought...I am telling you, I stood there staring into space for about a minute absolutely stunned at what my mouth had just done. I mean, I don't even know this lady...I know NOTHING about her son - nothing! My mind was screaming at my mouth and at this point, my mouth was very sorry for what it had done. At about that time, her son walked up to her, threw a paper airplane at her and said "Here idiot"...OMG! This is the kid my mouth just volunteered to watch? At that very moment, I explained that I have rules in my house and he had to obey my rules. I did watch him for almost a year. He did spend much of his time on the couch in time out, but I did see this lost little boy come out of his shell and become a very nice boy...However, with that said...
Yesterday, my mouth engaged (once again) before my brain could stop it or my hand could make it to my mouth to shut it up. I volunteered to make dinners and meals for a friend of mine who is battling cancer and just got home. Now those of you who know me, know that cooking is not my thing. As a matter of fact, when I open my pantry door, I resemble a deer caught staring into headlights. I usually decide it is data overload and shut the door and walk away. That is my daily attempt at dinner. Oh, she is a vegetarian, did I mention that? I don't even know how to cook normal food! Now I love this friend, but cleaning her house, mowing her lawn, planting, weeding, painting a portrait would be more my speed. Meals! What was I thinking? I know, you are dying to say I wasn't thinking, which brings this full circle.
I did manage to cook a few things (that I watched my cambodian friend make)...this is Victoria, "Arrie (roll your r's), all you do is chop, chop, chop...dum, dum, dum"...now I was a bit offended at that remark. Even me! Now it is ok for me to make fun of myself, but not Vic. I looked at her and said, "Did you just call me dumb?" She said, "No, dum, dum, dum"..."Vic, did you just call me dumb again?". She laughed and slowed down her broken speech to say, "No, dummmmpppp, dummmmpppp, dummmmpppp" - into the boiling water she meant. Chop the stuff on the counter and dump it into a pot. The other things I found recipes for. One was "Quinoa alfredo"...good luck finding quinoa. I have no idea what it is but knew it was some sort of a grain, so I bought couscous instead. Never tasted that...it even had brussell sprouts in it. Who on earth eats those things? Anyway, I have to add one little final note:
Heather (my friend) has a PhD in nutrition, is an author of several healthy cookbooks, is a fantastic cook and can make some greens from the front lawn taste like something from a 5 star restaurant. She is a darn doctor of food - what on earth am I doing cooking for the doctor of food! She was very kind in telling me the buritos were great (how can you mess up putting beans on a multi grain wrap and adding cheese?) but interestingly enough, never mentioned the brussell sprout thing nor the barley hazlenut salad thing...not too sure that was a hit, either. But, in the end, Heather does not have to worry about food. I am sure she has eaten worse things in putting together recipes for publication and I know her husband and children were thankful just to have mom home again.
Next time, I am sticking to killing bugs and setting lawns on fire!
Until next time...
