Mother of the Year Award AGAIN…..Takes some skill to win ths title more than once.

So with that said, I just figure I am keeping some future therapist employed by the time I get done with my kids.  JUST last night we had a conversation, both of them and myself, how I have done some funny things with them that might have scarred other kids and we actually laughed about their potential conversations in the future with some therapist.  Laughing the entire time.  We are a tight family and can poke fun at each other and ourselves and laugh about it.  Not even sure what the circumstances were yesterday but they were hypothetical.  Today they were real.

So last night I confirm that my kids have half day Wednesday (2 different schools).  This morning I got up, made Raechyl breakfast, saw her off to school and got Adam up and going.  As he fed and walked the dog, I made his lunch, got the backpack together and off we went.  I needed to be here between 2-4 for a delivery today and was panicked as I have to pick him up at 3.  So at about 11 I remember that I have no one to pick him up.  Made phone call after phone call and no one could get him.  I'm desperate.    Cannot think of anything…..I begin to panic.  It is 12:40 and my phone rings.  It is the school and I wonder if something happened to Adam (he DOES have a record of getting hurt - kind of the accident waiting for a place to happen).  But it wasn't the school, it was Adam.  "Mom?" he asks.  "Yes baby.  What's up?" I replied.  "Did you forget I had a half day all week?"……um…..now I'm faced with confirming my kids suspicion that they are going to end up in therapy or give him a bold faced lie…..what would any other mother do?  Well of course, avoid it all together…..Now mind you school let out at noon.  He has sat there 40 minutes before he calls.  "Oh Thank God Baby!  I'm on my way".  No worse for the wear.  However when he got in the car he asked again, "did you forget?".  Now I'm screwed.  Can't lie and already know he will keep some future therapist employed for at least a little while…..My reply…..(blame shift) "well, Adam, you SAW me pack your lunch and YOU put it in your backpack…..you NEVER said ANYTHING" at which point it dropped and we went on to the next conversation.

Skinned my way through that one.  But my guess is that it won't be the last time.  So once again, I am going for mother of the year award and hoping to NOT win the title for the second time…..

Until next time…..

One more to go…..

OK, In the past three months I have had two surgeries and the third is tomorrow.  The first one was a ridiculous accident that caused a shattered nose and fractured orbital socket.  The second one was removing a lemon size tumor from my thyroid and this one is the repair a torn bicep muscle.  I have the body of a 70 year old - lol.  I have more surgical repairs than most 70 year olds.  I guess when God put me together He decided that infirmity would be a cross for me to bear, but He has blessed me with excellent insurance to have it all repaired when necessary.  That is more than I can say for many people, some I know personally.

Am I looking forward to it?  Absolutely not…..I know what I am in for.  I've had both rotator cuffs repaired and that was brutal.  This will be half the recovery so I'm happy about that.  You know it is NEVER good when you are on a first name basis with your surgeon.  But he is a good one.  I know the first week is the hardest and it is downhill from there.  I am supposed to be in a sling for 6 weeks not using my arm at all…..slim chance of that.  I don't think I lasted 6 weeks in a sling with either of my shoulder surgeries.  I am NOT a good post op patient.  What can I tell ya?

I got my net flix remote ready…..my comfy pillow already on the couch and my drawing book nearby. Oh, btw - it is my right bicep and I am right handed…..I will have 2 questions for my surgeon tomorrow:  1)  When can I drive and 2) can I draw.  He already told me that if he can get six weeks out of me in a sling he would be elated.  He also gave me permission to drink my coffee right handed if I promise to lift nothing, push or pull nothing and not use it for anything else…..I told him I'd do my best.  He knows me Oh So Well!  So does my family.  They are already telling me to listen to the doc for a change……good grief.

So this might be my last post for a little while…..so until next time…...

Casting Crown's somewhere in the middle

"Somewhere In The Middle"

Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

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Creative juices flowing…...

I guess that is what happens when you just don't sleep.  I haven't really slept (to speak of) in almost 3 days now and the worst part of it is that I have no idea why!  I am exhausted and will fall asleep for an hour then up again.  So, at this point, if I happen to fall asleep during the day, I go with it and sleep.  I am sure that is not helping my sleeping "patterns", but I'm simply exhausted.

So Rae and I have been coloring lately.  It is SO cathartic for me and we love it.  But Becky slept over last nigh and she and Becky took the markers and went into the basement to watch movies and color.  So, that left me with no coloring "tools" and no coloring books.  So I dug out my old (and I DO mean old) sketch pad and decided to draw something.  Nothing I draw comes from my own head.  I have to see it somewhere or something like it and then I can bring it to the next level, but I, alone, am not creative.  So I decided to draw an eagle.  I love what the eagle stands for in America.  Freedom.  Majestic Beauty.  Strength.  Power.  and Lord knows I LOVE the American Flag.  That red, white and blue just brings me to tears  And to marry the two together, well that, to me, is a symbol of profound liberty, freedom, strength and a love for this country that I cannot hide.

The funny thing was that I had my sketch pad.  No pencils (weren't sure where they were since I haven't sketched in forever) and all I had was a few pens.  So this eagle is done in pretty much red and blue pens with a little brown and yellow thrown in.  It still isn't done, but as soon as I publish this, I'm going to sit down and finish it.  I could use some "therapy" right now and art is mine.

So, until next time…...

God at Work……..

So…..

Almost 4 years ago we moved into this house - a mother/daughter set up.  My mom was already living with us but it was time to move into separate houses.  Well, my mom moved out and we have this empty house back there.  When we moved in, my husband and I discussed what to do with this "other" house when Mina is no longer with us and we have been SO blessed of God that we wanted to be able to bless others.  We imagined maybe unwed pregnant women who don't know the Lord, missionaries on the move, etc…..all temporary housing as 1) we cannot rent it as we are not zoned to rent and 2) we don't want to be landlords and are VERY particular about who is back there as it is attached to our house and the families will co-exist out of necessity (shared yard, decks, basement, etc).  So yesterday I go to get my nails done and the lady who does my nail for the last 4 years wasn't there so I asked the only other lady I knew there if she could do my nails.  Her name is Mary and of course, she said yes.  Now in 4 years, Mary has done my nails ONCE.  NO ONE does my nails except for Lee.  So Mary and I were talking and it turns out that she has been down on her luck.  Raising 4 children alone (21, 17, 14 and 13) and lost their home 3 years ago.  Lost their apartment 3 months ago as she could no longer pay rent, buy food and take care of her four kids on what she makes.  She does nails.  She works 7 days a week, 12 hour days.  NO help from dad - NONE……EVER.  So, her and her daughter (17) are sleeping at a friends in a closet on an air mattress.  Her 21 year old is living with her boyfriend to have somewhere to sleep and her two boys (13 and 14) had to go to their dad's as she had no way to care for them.  They have NEVER been with dad and dad has never been involved in their lives but out of necessity, they are now with their dad that they barely know.  Family split up.  Mary an incredible woman who loves the Lord and is trusting God and all of a sudden God impressed upon my heart that I should show Mary the house and offer her to live there until Amanda (17) graduates from High School, which is the ONLY reason she hasn't' taken her family and gone somewhere else that they can afford to live.  After all, we cannot charge rent so she would live there free.  I showed her the house and immediately called Eric.  Told him.  Tonight Mary and her daughter Amanda came to meet with us and they are now sleeping in the bedroom back there.  Mary had her food in her car as she was that close to living out of her car.  AND, Erics heart is SO big that when he heard that her family was split, he told her that we (he and I) needed to pray but he cannot bear to know that a family is not together.  At which point, Mary started crying…..hysterically.  When I finally got it out of her why she was crying she said because she has been praying so hard and so much that God would somehow bring her boys back to her……So I'm pretty sure there isn't much to pray about….I'm pretty sure by the end of this weekend, Mary's boys will be home with mom……

Though God is active in my life SO much lately especially, He never ceases to amaze me how He, and He alone, can work things out like this.  This could ONLY happen by divine intervention.  I am just in tears over our blessing of being able to help a family in need and to know that God is using what He has provided for us in a way only He can.

Praise be to God, the Author and Finisher of our Faith.  The Father of Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Redeemer and my Savior.

Until next time…..

Happy Birthday Mina!

This was Mina at Christmas last year with my bestie Sharon.  Mina is what we call my mom……when my oldest child was young she just couldn't say anything remotely close to grandma and she just kept calling her Mina….so 17 years later, Mina it is.  Today is my mom's 89th birthday!  Is that incredible or what!  I am so blessed to have a mom all these years since she didn't have me until she was 45.

My mom now lives in California and let's just say we weren't able to tell her how much we love and miss her and to wish her a happy birthday because we have no direct line and I will not go thru the only contact I have.  But my mom was the very first thing on my mind this morning and still on my mind.  We had a small family celebration (no cake or anything - just prayer and talks of memories of Mina) here….it was all we felt we could do.  I can only hope that someday she will call us, but whether or not she does, she is very much loved and missed.

My dad died in 1997 and for about 5 years prior to that, I took care of him and my mom (he died when he was 80) because it was very difficult for him to much of anything that required labor.  So I mowed, shoveled, painted, etc.  And when he died, I took care of my mom in her home.  I had been married the whole time…..I was married in 1994.  My husband was amazing as I was at my mom's half the week and home the other half (with my daughter) for years until she could no longer live alone and she moved in with us.  So I have really never known life without my mom.  Today was a most difficult day for me and I suspect Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year will be as well.  But she is loved and missed sorely.

So, Mina, here is to you.  I pray for you each and every day.  Praying for happiness, health and another 89 years this side of heaven.  I know I will see you again.  That assurance gets me through each and every day.  So until we meet up again………I love you Mom!  Happy Birthday!

Until next time…...

The Gym Is NO Good For You!!!!!

OK, I was SO done with surgeries, particularly after my face and my throat in the last two months, but about a year ago I tore my bicep muscle.  I'm telling you.  Half my injuries happened at the gym.  So I'm thinking that I should stay out of the gym.  Not only have I torn both rotator cuffs, my left ACL and every time I go there, my heart starts to race, I begin to sweat, I can hardly breathe and my body hurts.  The gym is DEFINITELY NO GOOD for your health.  But I digress again.

I have been nursing this thing for the last year.  Did therapy - to no avail.  I did cortisone - to no avail.  So I sucked it up until it got to the point recently that I can't use my right arm much and when I do, it KILLS.  SO I am scheduled for bicep surgery November 14, 2013.  My surgeon is a riot.  This is my second surgery with him.  My friends say I am friends with all my doctors and I thought that was pretty normal, but according to them - not so much.  Anyhow, Dr. Kocaj is a great surgeon and a great guy.  I called him and told him I cannot do the pain anymore so I went to see him for last consultation before scheduling surgery.  I asked what the "typical" recovery time was.  His response to me was (and I quote), "OK, Arrie, we ALL know you suck as a post operative patient.  Just tell me what it is that you want to do and we'll discuss it".  I told him there was nothing specific I was looking to do, I was just wondering.  He said, "Really??  Last shoulder surgery within a week you were scrubbing barn walls WITH THE SLING and grooming your horses and digging holes to plant bushes and I think the sling lasted 2 weeks, not 3 months and I'm pretty sure that the one year total recovery, for you, ended at three months".  So I told him my horses are being shipped out in two weeks (no grooming), it is fall so no digging and my car will be put away in about 4 weeks so no waxing……I really didn't want to do anything specific I was just wondering how long I was going to be laid up.  So, typical recovery is sling 6 weeks, nothing more than 1 pound lifted for 3 months and full recovery by 6 months…….WTH!  There is NO way I'll last that long and he knows it.  So he told me that he would be "tickled to pieces" if he can get 6 weeks in a sling and no typing or writing out of me…..I told him that was a bit much to ask and assured him that IF I do something I shouldn't he KNOWS that I tell him the truth.

He sighed.

Am I friends with all my doctors?  I guess I am since I haven't seen him in 2 years and we talked about his kids skiing, Okimo, Aspen/Vail…..my kids, my horses and of course, my new vette.  I still think that is pretty normal to be personal with all your docs, but whatever.  Maybe I am just that open book with everyone.  People tell me that one conversation with me and they feel right at home, like they have known me for ever.  I call it "the gift of gab".

So Dr. Kocaj says no blogging.  SMH.  Is he kidding me?  So next Thursday I go under the knife AGAIN and I swear this is my VERY LAST surgery.  PERIOD.  I have had more staples, stitches, anchors, titanium markers and fake pieces like braided ropes than anyone should ever have.  A CT Scan of my body is hysterical.

So, remember, the gym is no good for you and make friends with your doctors, you never know when you will need them to be kind to you….

Until next time…...

Pumpkin Carving Frenzy Over (THANK GOD!)

I always loved carving pumpkins, less the scooping out of the guts, but I always carved these ridiculous carvings, just to watch them collapse about 2 weeks later.  So about 3 years ago I decided to start carving styrofoam pumpkins (before every craft store in the world started doing it…..of course).  It took way longer because they are thicker and harder to carve into, but each year we add to our collection by taking out the old ones and carving a pumpkin or two more to add to the collection.  However, this year found me in a rather somber mood with some family situations that had me in a place of solitude working things out with God.  So, that left me way more time to carve way more pumpkins.  So much so that I had to give away 6 of them just so that our house didn't look like a pumpkin museum.  I love doing it…..sometimes too much.  I'm thankful I cannot find anymore styrofoam pumpkins in the stores now or I might still be carving.  Here are some of my obsessive carvings.  Nothing great on this read, but some cool pictures to look at…..

2010 - My conversation with the Lord…..a poem of what might be

I was dead but You gave me life.
And I embraced that life in You.  We flew
…..higher than I've ever been.  Years went by and I grew,
always aware of Your grace.  For it was that grace that made me new.

Then one day I turned.  I don't even remember when it was, but I turned.
Not far….ever so slightly, but my view of You was now blocked
by this old thing that had returned.

Oh, I still saw You, and loved You I did.  But I hid…..

Only a little…..not much.  But that opened the door to that empty, dark heart
that scared me so much.

Next thing I knew I was living in that place I hadn't been in years.
I hated that place - it caused pain and tears.

Yet where were You?
I couldn't see You anymore.
I know You were there, but I no longer talk to You or see You.
It shakes me to my core…..

Yet I run.

You are light yet I live in darkness.
This heart is heavy and I do not remember being young.
I wonder what could cause such sadness, darkness and pain.  It is like a song unsung…..
how much longer could I sustain?

I'm in a full blown rebellion against the only love I ever knew.  But I could trust You.

You gave me riches in insight and truth.
I shared You with zeal and never forgot;
for that very love and trust You so freely give
breathed fresh life into me and caused me to live.

But this thing I am doing is not living at all.
In fact, it is a slow death I'm enduring because of this fall.
Oh lord, I know Your forgiveness is perfect,
but I must be willing to turn again;

but I find I don't seek Thee.

And during those years we flew, I was still plagued with a fragile mind….
I suffered so greatly - tho only from time to time.
But it remained - that darkness in my mind - it seems it went from my heart to my head…
but dark it was; sometimes I feel dead.
But I wasn't dead because of You.
But somehow it returned.  Here and there,
But Your love and grace reigned and Your glory grew.

We fought the good fight, You and me.
And the handful of prayer warriors and mentors that You provided
prayed hard and were blessed by Thee.

So how did I get where I am today?  I have never felt so far away…

...From You, Lord, my heart aches for Your love and Your grace that You give.
Mercy that shows Your the reason for the life that we live.

Yet here I sit, alone and scared.
What if I'm the one who is so impaired…
….. that heaven is removed from my future plan
Because I stayed in darkness too long for one man.

Knowing the truth but trying to hide
behind an addiction that is killing me inside.
Oh, on the outside I look OK.
Sure, there are noticeable changes that people can see,
but they don't know what is inside of me.

My mind tells me lies, but they seem so right.
I believe them and no longer put up a fight.
I've given in - perhaps too far.
But I'm tired of fighting, I've lost sight of my Star.

My Light who shined so brightly in me
now sits patiently by and waits for me….
to return to my Love, but will I ever be free
To love God and Christ the way I used to, and be all I'm called to be?
My mind is chaotic, it runs on and on,
but it seems never in the direction of You, You're gone!

I'm reminded it's not You that's gone
rather the peace I had when You were the breath I lived on.
You're still here with me, even as I write
but I don't "feel" You and exist on just simply air.
At times it seems just too much to bear.

So why does this stubborn heart refuse to yield
To the One who from day one, tells me I'm sealed?
In this body His very Spirit dwells
But even with Your Spirit I fell.
The longer I stayed the harder it got
To picture my life as it was... because now it is not.

The precious time I spent with You
seems like a distant memory - harder to remember as time passes.
And I know in You there is life, but somehow this "thing" keeps me from coming.
It makes no sense, not even to me.
In this life I sometimes no longer want to be.
But in death will I be sent to a pit of eternal destruction
by a Saviour I once knew,
Or would He greet me,
"Good servant, I am well pleased with you"?

So I sit in my pit that I dug
writing about a great God I once loved.
I love Him still, tho I love myself more.
It grieves me so to know this. I live with the swine, having spent His riches
and now I am poor.

Your Word says You love me, the prodigal son,
If only I would repent and return to the One….
Who has a robe, fatted calf and a ring,
New life will You give me and the angels will sing
Over the one who is saved.
But I'm lying here right next to my grave.
When will I choose the only love I ever knew?
Will, in Him, I be saved, only He knows…..

But Lord,
One more thing.

Please help my mind to be sound
and remember those things that have kept me bound.
Free up my hands and my feet
From this demon that has, for years, kept me beat.
I want to be whole, but only in You,
yet I run in rebellion to the things I once knew.

Come and save me from myself; it has to be now,
For tomorrow may not come, and to You I will bow.
I'll give account for this thing I call life,
but is nothing but chaos, darkness and strife.
But answer I will and Lord let me say,
"It wasn't pretty but we made it"…..

And look up to see
My Savior standing over me
Saying, "Servant, I am well pleased with thee".

Tinted Windows…..Oh, and a new tattoo or two

I have a 2006 Victory Red Corvette and slowly I have been doing some modifications to make it mine. The latest thing I did was have the tinted the windows.  I think it ties the car together a bit better.  I blacked out my lights and the targa top is black so I thought black windows and back window would look great.  So off I go to a place about a half hour from my house.  My appointment was 9 AM and they expected it would take about 1.5 hours.  I sat in the waiting area, books in hand, journal, pens and my jacket.  There was NO heat and after about 2 hours, I was shivering.  They came out to tell me that it was going to take longer because they were having a hard time wrapping the back hatch due to the severe curve.  I got up to walk around to heat up and noticed a tattoo parlor across the street, one I had been to once before with one of my besties.  So I decided since they have heat, AND are open, I should meander across the 4 lane highway and have a foot tattoo fixed (it was botched when the idiot originally did it).  Why not, right?  So I look both ways, after all it IS a highway, and see it is clear, then go for it…..at which point I wiped out and all my books, papers, pens and all the contents of my purse spread across 2 lanes of he highway…..In a scurry I tried to pick everything up…..and a very nice man came to help as the cars are now stopped and waiting for us to clean up my mess….Humiliated, I got myself together and got to the tattoo parlor.  All I was going to do was talk to someone about correcting a bad tattoo.  Well, 2 hours later, one fixed and two new tattoos, i returned to see my awesome corvette, blacked out windows and love my new body art.

Life is funny that way…..you plan one thing and something else completely random happens and it marks you, no pun intended, in one way or another.  I guess it was my time to get those two new tattoos those tattoos that I have wanted for the last two years.  Is my body art complete?  Only God knows.  But one thing is for sure, I love what I have…..my car looks awesome and now because my car looks so good, I have to get new wheels - black….you know how that goes.  You paint the living room, then the carpet looks dingy.  So you buy new carpet then that furniture that, two weeks ago, looked just fine needs to be replaced.  Then because you redid your living room, all of a sudden the kitchen looks outdated and on and on it goes.  So it is with my car.  I loved my wheels until I got my windows blacked out.  Now I see that the wheels need to be black….lol.  I can see that in the very near future I will have to get a job or my husband will put a leash on me…..and anyone who knows me knows that me and leashes…..well……let's say its a no-go.

Until next time…..