Mother of the Year Award AGAIN…..Takes some skill to win ths title more than once.

So with that said, I just figure I am keeping some future therapist employed by the time I get done with my kids.  JUST last night we had a conversation, both of them and myself, how I have done some funny things with them that might have scarred other kids and we actually laughed about their potential conversations in the future with some therapist.  Laughing the entire time.  We are a tight family and can poke fun at each other and ourselves and laugh about it.  Not even sure what the circumstances were yesterday but they were hypothetical.  Today they were real.

So last night I confirm that my kids have half day Wednesday (2 different schools).  This morning I got up, made Raechyl breakfast, saw her off to school and got Adam up and going.  As he fed and walked the dog, I made his lunch, got the backpack together and off we went.  I needed to be here between 2-4 for a delivery today and was panicked as I have to pick him up at 3.  So at about 11 I remember that I have no one to pick him up.  Made phone call after phone call and no one could get him.  I'm desperate.    Cannot think of anything…..I begin to panic.  It is 12:40 and my phone rings.  It is the school and I wonder if something happened to Adam (he DOES have a record of getting hurt - kind of the accident waiting for a place to happen).  But it wasn't the school, it was Adam.  "Mom?" he asks.  "Yes baby.  What's up?" I replied.  "Did you forget I had a half day all week?"……um…..now I'm faced with confirming my kids suspicion that they are going to end up in therapy or give him a bold faced lie…..what would any other mother do?  Well of course, avoid it all together…..Now mind you school let out at noon.  He has sat there 40 minutes before he calls.  "Oh Thank God Baby!  I'm on my way".  No worse for the wear.  However when he got in the car he asked again, "did you forget?".  Now I'm screwed.  Can't lie and already know he will keep some future therapist employed for at least a little while…..My reply…..(blame shift) "well, Adam, you SAW me pack your lunch and YOU put it in your backpack…..you NEVER said ANYTHING" at which point it dropped and we went on to the next conversation.

Skinned my way through that one.  But my guess is that it won't be the last time.  So once again, I am going for mother of the year award and hoping to NOT win the title for the second time…..

Until next time…..

One more to go…..

OK, In the past three months I have had two surgeries and the third is tomorrow.  The first one was a ridiculous accident that caused a shattered nose and fractured orbital socket.  The second one was removing a lemon size tumor from my thyroid and this one is the repair a torn bicep muscle.  I have the body of a 70 year old - lol.  I have more surgical repairs than most 70 year olds.  I guess when God put me together He decided that infirmity would be a cross for me to bear, but He has blessed me with excellent insurance to have it all repaired when necessary.  That is more than I can say for many people, some I know personally.

Am I looking forward to it?  Absolutely not…..I know what I am in for.  I've had both rotator cuffs repaired and that was brutal.  This will be half the recovery so I'm happy about that.  You know it is NEVER good when you are on a first name basis with your surgeon.  But he is a good one.  I know the first week is the hardest and it is downhill from there.  I am supposed to be in a sling for 6 weeks not using my arm at all…..slim chance of that.  I don't think I lasted 6 weeks in a sling with either of my shoulder surgeries.  I am NOT a good post op patient.  What can I tell ya?

I got my net flix remote ready…..my comfy pillow already on the couch and my drawing book nearby. Oh, btw - it is my right bicep and I am right handed…..I will have 2 questions for my surgeon tomorrow:  1)  When can I drive and 2) can I draw.  He already told me that if he can get six weeks out of me in a sling he would be elated.  He also gave me permission to drink my coffee right handed if I promise to lift nothing, push or pull nothing and not use it for anything else…..I told him I'd do my best.  He knows me Oh So Well!  So does my family.  They are already telling me to listen to the doc for a change……good grief.

So this might be my last post for a little while…..so until next time…...

Casting Crown's somewhere in the middle

"Somewhere In The Middle"

Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

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Creative juices flowing…...

I guess that is what happens when you just don't sleep.  I haven't really slept (to speak of) in almost 3 days now and the worst part of it is that I have no idea why!  I am exhausted and will fall asleep for an hour then up again.  So, at this point, if I happen to fall asleep during the day, I go with it and sleep.  I am sure that is not helping my sleeping "patterns", but I'm simply exhausted.

So Rae and I have been coloring lately.  It is SO cathartic for me and we love it.  But Becky slept over last nigh and she and Becky took the markers and went into the basement to watch movies and color.  So, that left me with no coloring "tools" and no coloring books.  So I dug out my old (and I DO mean old) sketch pad and decided to draw something.  Nothing I draw comes from my own head.  I have to see it somewhere or something like it and then I can bring it to the next level, but I, alone, am not creative.  So I decided to draw an eagle.  I love what the eagle stands for in America.  Freedom.  Majestic Beauty.  Strength.  Power.  and Lord knows I LOVE the American Flag.  That red, white and blue just brings me to tears  And to marry the two together, well that, to me, is a symbol of profound liberty, freedom, strength and a love for this country that I cannot hide.

The funny thing was that I had my sketch pad.  No pencils (weren't sure where they were since I haven't sketched in forever) and all I had was a few pens.  So this eagle is done in pretty much red and blue pens with a little brown and yellow thrown in.  It still isn't done, but as soon as I publish this, I'm going to sit down and finish it.  I could use some "therapy" right now and art is mine.

So, until next time…...

God at Work……..

So…..

Almost 4 years ago we moved into this house - a mother/daughter set up.  My mom was already living with us but it was time to move into separate houses.  Well, my mom moved out and we have this empty house back there.  When we moved in, my husband and I discussed what to do with this "other" house when Mina is no longer with us and we have been SO blessed of God that we wanted to be able to bless others.  We imagined maybe unwed pregnant women who don't know the Lord, missionaries on the move, etc…..all temporary housing as 1) we cannot rent it as we are not zoned to rent and 2) we don't want to be landlords and are VERY particular about who is back there as it is attached to our house and the families will co-exist out of necessity (shared yard, decks, basement, etc).  So yesterday I go to get my nails done and the lady who does my nail for the last 4 years wasn't there so I asked the only other lady I knew there if she could do my nails.  Her name is Mary and of course, she said yes.  Now in 4 years, Mary has done my nails ONCE.  NO ONE does my nails except for Lee.  So Mary and I were talking and it turns out that she has been down on her luck.  Raising 4 children alone (21, 17, 14 and 13) and lost their home 3 years ago.  Lost their apartment 3 months ago as she could no longer pay rent, buy food and take care of her four kids on what she makes.  She does nails.  She works 7 days a week, 12 hour days.  NO help from dad - NONE……EVER.  So, her and her daughter (17) are sleeping at a friends in a closet on an air mattress.  Her 21 year old is living with her boyfriend to have somewhere to sleep and her two boys (13 and 14) had to go to their dad's as she had no way to care for them.  They have NEVER been with dad and dad has never been involved in their lives but out of necessity, they are now with their dad that they barely know.  Family split up.  Mary an incredible woman who loves the Lord and is trusting God and all of a sudden God impressed upon my heart that I should show Mary the house and offer her to live there until Amanda (17) graduates from High School, which is the ONLY reason she hasn't' taken her family and gone somewhere else that they can afford to live.  After all, we cannot charge rent so she would live there free.  I showed her the house and immediately called Eric.  Told him.  Tonight Mary and her daughter Amanda came to meet with us and they are now sleeping in the bedroom back there.  Mary had her food in her car as she was that close to living out of her car.  AND, Erics heart is SO big that when he heard that her family was split, he told her that we (he and I) needed to pray but he cannot bear to know that a family is not together.  At which point, Mary started crying…..hysterically.  When I finally got it out of her why she was crying she said because she has been praying so hard and so much that God would somehow bring her boys back to her……So I'm pretty sure there isn't much to pray about….I'm pretty sure by the end of this weekend, Mary's boys will be home with mom……

Though God is active in my life SO much lately especially, He never ceases to amaze me how He, and He alone, can work things out like this.  This could ONLY happen by divine intervention.  I am just in tears over our blessing of being able to help a family in need and to know that God is using what He has provided for us in a way only He can.

Praise be to God, the Author and Finisher of our Faith.  The Father of Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Redeemer and my Savior.

Until next time…..

Happy Birthday Mina!

This was Mina at Christmas last year with my bestie Sharon.  Mina is what we call my mom……when my oldest child was young she just couldn't say anything remotely close to grandma and she just kept calling her Mina….so 17 years later, Mina it is.  Today is my mom's 89th birthday!  Is that incredible or what!  I am so blessed to have a mom all these years since she didn't have me until she was 45.

My mom now lives in California and let's just say we weren't able to tell her how much we love and miss her and to wish her a happy birthday because we have no direct line and I will not go thru the only contact I have.  But my mom was the very first thing on my mind this morning and still on my mind.  We had a small family celebration (no cake or anything - just prayer and talks of memories of Mina) here….it was all we felt we could do.  I can only hope that someday she will call us, but whether or not she does, she is very much loved and missed.

My dad died in 1997 and for about 5 years prior to that, I took care of him and my mom (he died when he was 80) because it was very difficult for him to much of anything that required labor.  So I mowed, shoveled, painted, etc.  And when he died, I took care of my mom in her home.  I had been married the whole time…..I was married in 1994.  My husband was amazing as I was at my mom's half the week and home the other half (with my daughter) for years until she could no longer live alone and she moved in with us.  So I have really never known life without my mom.  Today was a most difficult day for me and I suspect Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year will be as well.  But she is loved and missed sorely.

So, Mina, here is to you.  I pray for you each and every day.  Praying for happiness, health and another 89 years this side of heaven.  I know I will see you again.  That assurance gets me through each and every day.  So until we meet up again………I love you Mom!  Happy Birthday!

Until next time…...

The Gym Is NO Good For You!!!!!

OK, I was SO done with surgeries, particularly after my face and my throat in the last two months, but about a year ago I tore my bicep muscle.  I'm telling you.  Half my injuries happened at the gym.  So I'm thinking that I should stay out of the gym.  Not only have I torn both rotator cuffs, my left ACL and every time I go there, my heart starts to race, I begin to sweat, I can hardly breathe and my body hurts.  The gym is DEFINITELY NO GOOD for your health.  But I digress again.

I have been nursing this thing for the last year.  Did therapy - to no avail.  I did cortisone - to no avail.  So I sucked it up until it got to the point recently that I can't use my right arm much and when I do, it KILLS.  SO I am scheduled for bicep surgery November 14, 2013.  My surgeon is a riot.  This is my second surgery with him.  My friends say I am friends with all my doctors and I thought that was pretty normal, but according to them - not so much.  Anyhow, Dr. Kocaj is a great surgeon and a great guy.  I called him and told him I cannot do the pain anymore so I went to see him for last consultation before scheduling surgery.  I asked what the "typical" recovery time was.  His response to me was (and I quote), "OK, Arrie, we ALL know you suck as a post operative patient.  Just tell me what it is that you want to do and we'll discuss it".  I told him there was nothing specific I was looking to do, I was just wondering.  He said, "Really??  Last shoulder surgery within a week you were scrubbing barn walls WITH THE SLING and grooming your horses and digging holes to plant bushes and I think the sling lasted 2 weeks, not 3 months and I'm pretty sure that the one year total recovery, for you, ended at three months".  So I told him my horses are being shipped out in two weeks (no grooming), it is fall so no digging and my car will be put away in about 4 weeks so no waxing……I really didn't want to do anything specific I was just wondering how long I was going to be laid up.  So, typical recovery is sling 6 weeks, nothing more than 1 pound lifted for 3 months and full recovery by 6 months…….WTH!  There is NO way I'll last that long and he knows it.  So he told me that he would be "tickled to pieces" if he can get 6 weeks in a sling and no typing or writing out of me…..I told him that was a bit much to ask and assured him that IF I do something I shouldn't he KNOWS that I tell him the truth.

He sighed.

Am I friends with all my doctors?  I guess I am since I haven't seen him in 2 years and we talked about his kids skiing, Okimo, Aspen/Vail…..my kids, my horses and of course, my new vette.  I still think that is pretty normal to be personal with all your docs, but whatever.  Maybe I am just that open book with everyone.  People tell me that one conversation with me and they feel right at home, like they have known me for ever.  I call it "the gift of gab".

So Dr. Kocaj says no blogging.  SMH.  Is he kidding me?  So next Thursday I go under the knife AGAIN and I swear this is my VERY LAST surgery.  PERIOD.  I have had more staples, stitches, anchors, titanium markers and fake pieces like braided ropes than anyone should ever have.  A CT Scan of my body is hysterical.

So, remember, the gym is no good for you and make friends with your doctors, you never know when you will need them to be kind to you….

Until next time…...

Pumpkin Carving Frenzy Over (THANK GOD!)

I always loved carving pumpkins, less the scooping out of the guts, but I always carved these ridiculous carvings, just to watch them collapse about 2 weeks later.  So about 3 years ago I decided to start carving styrofoam pumpkins (before every craft store in the world started doing it…..of course).  It took way longer because they are thicker and harder to carve into, but each year we add to our collection by taking out the old ones and carving a pumpkin or two more to add to the collection.  However, this year found me in a rather somber mood with some family situations that had me in a place of solitude working things out with God.  So, that left me way more time to carve way more pumpkins.  So much so that I had to give away 6 of them just so that our house didn't look like a pumpkin museum.  I love doing it…..sometimes too much.  I'm thankful I cannot find anymore styrofoam pumpkins in the stores now or I might still be carving.  Here are some of my obsessive carvings.  Nothing great on this read, but some cool pictures to look at…..

2010 - My conversation with the Lord…..a poem of what might be

I was dead but You gave me life.
And I embraced that life in You.  We flew
…..higher than I've ever been.  Years went by and I grew,
always aware of Your grace.  For it was that grace that made me new.

Then one day I turned.  I don't even remember when it was, but I turned.
Not far….ever so slightly, but my view of You was now blocked
by this old thing that had returned.

Oh, I still saw You, and loved You I did.  But I hid…..

Only a little…..not much.  But that opened the door to that empty, dark heart
that scared me so much.

Next thing I knew I was living in that place I hadn't been in years.
I hated that place - it caused pain and tears.

Yet where were You?
I couldn't see You anymore.
I know You were there, but I no longer talk to You or see You.
It shakes me to my core…..

Yet I run.

You are light yet I live in darkness.
This heart is heavy and I do not remember being young.
I wonder what could cause such sadness, darkness and pain.  It is like a song unsung…..
how much longer could I sustain?

I'm in a full blown rebellion against the only love I ever knew.  But I could trust You.

You gave me riches in insight and truth.
I shared You with zeal and never forgot;
for that very love and trust You so freely give
breathed fresh life into me and caused me to live.

But this thing I am doing is not living at all.
In fact, it is a slow death I'm enduring because of this fall.
Oh lord, I know Your forgiveness is perfect,
but I must be willing to turn again;

but I find I don't seek Thee.

And during those years we flew, I was still plagued with a fragile mind….
I suffered so greatly - tho only from time to time.
But it remained - that darkness in my mind - it seems it went from my heart to my head…
but dark it was; sometimes I feel dead.
But I wasn't dead because of You.
But somehow it returned.  Here and there,
But Your love and grace reigned and Your glory grew.

We fought the good fight, You and me.
And the handful of prayer warriors and mentors that You provided
prayed hard and were blessed by Thee.

So how did I get where I am today?  I have never felt so far away…

...From You, Lord, my heart aches for Your love and Your grace that You give.
Mercy that shows Your the reason for the life that we live.

Yet here I sit, alone and scared.
What if I'm the one who is so impaired…
….. that heaven is removed from my future plan
Because I stayed in darkness too long for one man.

Knowing the truth but trying to hide
behind an addiction that is killing me inside.
Oh, on the outside I look OK.
Sure, there are noticeable changes that people can see,
but they don't know what is inside of me.

My mind tells me lies, but they seem so right.
I believe them and no longer put up a fight.
I've given in - perhaps too far.
But I'm tired of fighting, I've lost sight of my Star.

My Light who shined so brightly in me
now sits patiently by and waits for me….
to return to my Love, but will I ever be free
To love God and Christ the way I used to, and be all I'm called to be?
My mind is chaotic, it runs on and on,
but it seems never in the direction of You, You're gone!

I'm reminded it's not You that's gone
rather the peace I had when You were the breath I lived on.
You're still here with me, even as I write
but I don't "feel" You and exist on just simply air.
At times it seems just too much to bear.

So why does this stubborn heart refuse to yield
To the One who from day one, tells me I'm sealed?
In this body His very Spirit dwells
But even with Your Spirit I fell.
The longer I stayed the harder it got
To picture my life as it was... because now it is not.

The precious time I spent with You
seems like a distant memory - harder to remember as time passes.
And I know in You there is life, but somehow this "thing" keeps me from coming.
It makes no sense, not even to me.
In this life I sometimes no longer want to be.
But in death will I be sent to a pit of eternal destruction
by a Saviour I once knew,
Or would He greet me,
"Good servant, I am well pleased with you"?

So I sit in my pit that I dug
writing about a great God I once loved.
I love Him still, tho I love myself more.
It grieves me so to know this. I live with the swine, having spent His riches
and now I am poor.

Your Word says You love me, the prodigal son,
If only I would repent and return to the One….
Who has a robe, fatted calf and a ring,
New life will You give me and the angels will sing
Over the one who is saved.
But I'm lying here right next to my grave.
When will I choose the only love I ever knew?
Will, in Him, I be saved, only He knows…..

But Lord,
One more thing.

Please help my mind to be sound
and remember those things that have kept me bound.
Free up my hands and my feet
From this demon that has, for years, kept me beat.
I want to be whole, but only in You,
yet I run in rebellion to the things I once knew.

Come and save me from myself; it has to be now,
For tomorrow may not come, and to You I will bow.
I'll give account for this thing I call life,
but is nothing but chaos, darkness and strife.
But answer I will and Lord let me say,
"It wasn't pretty but we made it"…..

And look up to see
My Savior standing over me
Saying, "Servant, I am well pleased with thee".

Tinted Windows…..Oh, and a new tattoo or two

I have a 2006 Victory Red Corvette and slowly I have been doing some modifications to make it mine. The latest thing I did was have the tinted the windows.  I think it ties the car together a bit better.  I blacked out my lights and the targa top is black so I thought black windows and back window would look great.  So off I go to a place about a half hour from my house.  My appointment was 9 AM and they expected it would take about 1.5 hours.  I sat in the waiting area, books in hand, journal, pens and my jacket.  There was NO heat and after about 2 hours, I was shivering.  They came out to tell me that it was going to take longer because they were having a hard time wrapping the back hatch due to the severe curve.  I got up to walk around to heat up and noticed a tattoo parlor across the street, one I had been to once before with one of my besties.  So I decided since they have heat, AND are open, I should meander across the 4 lane highway and have a foot tattoo fixed (it was botched when the idiot originally did it).  Why not, right?  So I look both ways, after all it IS a highway, and see it is clear, then go for it…..at which point I wiped out and all my books, papers, pens and all the contents of my purse spread across 2 lanes of he highway…..In a scurry I tried to pick everything up…..and a very nice man came to help as the cars are now stopped and waiting for us to clean up my mess….Humiliated, I got myself together and got to the tattoo parlor.  All I was going to do was talk to someone about correcting a bad tattoo.  Well, 2 hours later, one fixed and two new tattoos, i returned to see my awesome corvette, blacked out windows and love my new body art.

Life is funny that way…..you plan one thing and something else completely random happens and it marks you, no pun intended, in one way or another.  I guess it was my time to get those two new tattoos those tattoos that I have wanted for the last two years.  Is my body art complete?  Only God knows.  But one thing is for sure, I love what I have…..my car looks awesome and now because my car looks so good, I have to get new wheels - black….you know how that goes.  You paint the living room, then the carpet looks dingy.  So you buy new carpet then that furniture that, two weeks ago, looked just fine needs to be replaced.  Then because you redid your living room, all of a sudden the kitchen looks outdated and on and on it goes.  So it is with my car.  I loved my wheels until I got my windows blacked out.  Now I see that the wheels need to be black….lol.  I can see that in the very near future I will have to get a job or my husband will put a leash on me…..and anyone who knows me knows that me and leashes…..well……let's say its a no-go.

Until next time…..

"Mary's Song (Oh My My My)"

She said, I was seven and you were nine
I looked at you like the stars that shined
In the sky, the pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
Growing up and falling in love and our mamas smiled
And rolled their eyes and said oh my my my

Take me back to the house in the backyard tree
Said you'd beat me up, you were bigger than me
You never did, you never did
Take me back when our world was one block wide
I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried
Just two kids, you and I...
Oh my my my my

Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...

Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my

A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee

Take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle
Our whole town came and our mamas cried
You said I do and I did too
Take me home where we met so many years before
We'll rock our babies on that very front porch
After all this time, you and I

I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine
I'll still look at you like the stars that shine
In the sky, oh my my my...

My Daughter the Poet

Who Knew!  I am a writer…..I always have been.  I have been journaling and blogging for so many years.  I don't let anyone read my journals, in fact, my family is under very STRICT rules that when I die, they are to burn ALL my journals.  It isn't for any eyes buy mine and Gods.  However, in them there are some decent writings, poems, etc which I am trying to gather up and put in one place so that they have a chance of surviving me.  I digress….

Rae is VERY private.  She writes ALL the time and has since she was little.  And she will never allow me to read any of it.  Nor will she sing for me (she has the voice of an angel).  I'm not sure why, I attribute it to keeping her distance at nearly 17 from "mom" and finding her own way.  However, the other night she asked me if I wanted to read her poems….there were maybe a dozen.  Um, HELL YEA I want to read them.  And I did.  I was FLOORED.  She truly is a talented poet and I do NOT say that because she is my daughter.  I say that because it is a gift the Lord has CLEARLY given her for expressing herself, which she does not do on a regular basis.  You rarely get loud laughter nor do you see many tears.  Rae rides down the middle of the street pretty much all of the time.  But I felt that AT LEAST two of them warranted posting.  Here is one.

HOPE, PEACE, STRENGTH

Hope.

That is what You give.

Hope of another day

Not a day to fail,

But to learn and  be forgiven.

Peace.

That is what You give.

Peace in all hardships,

Not for immediate end,

But to learn and lean on You.

Strength.

That is what You give.

Strength to move mountains,

Not alone;

But by Your Name.

Hope.  Peace.  Strength.

That is what You give.

Not so we can conquer all,

But so we can live for You.

That moved me so deeply inside.  She also was baptized in the Holy Spirit last weekend and has made a decision to NOT read a mandatory book in the public school system as it swears continually and uses the Lords name in vain.  Today she will explain herself and ask for a different book.  If the teacher refuses, I have given her permission to not read the book and fail the assignments.  Hard decisions for a 16 year old to make, but she has such a tender spirit for the Lord, how could I NOT back her with the book?  So that was one of two poems I asked permission to print.  The other will come later.  I am SO proud of the young lady she has become.  And oh how she loves Jesus!

Until next time…...

SPLAT!

why ANY hair product would be named "SPLAT"......wonder no more.  Raechyl had a blue section of hair underneath.  It was fading, as blue always does.  So she decided she wanted it pink for October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month.....very admirable.  So we went out and got "SPLAT".

And that is where the mess.....um....I mean story begins.  She HAD to have it done TODAY.....I wanted to wait a few days until she had more time and was less stressed out, but NO.....HAD to be today.  OK......I'm hair savvy.  I read the box, nixed the bleach as her hair had been bleached to put the blue in.  So I took out the pink (NEON pink) and put the gloves on and made sure NOT to get it on anything as it was very clear that it stains everything....especially the skin!

So I got my gloves on, sectioned the hair (like the "professional" I am) and away we went.  At first we were fine, then the more I put on, the messier it got...some dropping on the floor resulting in a panicked scream, "ADAM!  HELP!!!!!"  So as he was scrubbing the tiles, I was dropping more and more hot pink dye EVERYWHERE....including the poor kids neck, shoulder and arm.....but what's a girl to do but to go on.  Once the dye was on the hair (amongst other places) I bagged the hair in an attempt to minimize the damage.  Then I went to work scrubbing the skin....and I DO mean scrubbing.  Scrubbing to the point that it became difficult to determine which was the dye and what was skin discolored from the scrubbing.  And worst yet was that it wasn't coming off...so in my infinite wisdom I decided laundry bleach should do the trick.  So again, I scrubbed the already burned skin with laundry bleach to no avail.  Then as a last ditch effort I took the hair bleach that the package came with, mixed it up and layered it on the skin.  Now at this point, Raechyl was running around the kitchen in circles SCREAMING that it was burning and to get it off....so I did.  And I did so by, yes you guessed it, scrubbing it off.  All this was a useless effort as NONE of it worked.  It has been two weeks now.  The dye has faded to a barely visible shade of lavender, but that pink on her skin is going strong.  She is thankful it is cold here as she has worn long sleeves since and also has not worn her hair up.

As I see it, I was doing what mom's do.....help your kids.  However, this experience changed Raechyl, and perhaps forever.  She has made a definitive declaration that she will NEVER dye her hair again.  She is "DONE" with dying hair....black, blue, pink - she doesn't care if she turns grey at the age of 17.....she will NEVER do color on her hair again - poor thing.

 As I see it, I am simply keeping a future therapist employed.  By the time I get done with them, they will be good for AT LEAST a few years of therapy.

Look, my parents kept a therapist employed for nearly ten years, the least I could do is keep a future therapist employed, keeping the generational expectations fulfilled.

Until next time....

Meet Keegan.....

This is Keegan - our one eyed wonder.  We rescued him from Eleventh Hour Rescue in Randolph, NJ.  His story is:  Apparently he was a fight dog, full of scars - mostly bite marks but one rip on his hind quarter.  He was found in Tennessee chained in some yard with no food and no water and a metal bar literally sticking out of his head.  Someone took him and brought him to a vet who was able to save his life, but he lost his eye.  When we adopted him he was a handful.  We thought he was a pit bull/boxer mix.  But because he was SO stubborn and exhibited signs of ADD, I had him DNA tested to see exactly what i was dealing with.  He is actually a full blooded American Staffordshire Terrier.....AKA the American Large Pit Bull.  He knew NOTHING.  Had clearly never been in a house.  I did some research and several months later now, with very STRICT pack rules in place, he is EVERY bit of what he was bred to be.  Extremely loyal, loving and affectionate with people.....kids included.  He is bullish (doesn't mean to be he is just a tank), fun, quirky, and SO desires to obey his owners.  However, he does NOT do dogs.  He is a fierce watchdog and protector of his home and his owners.....and actually at this point in our lives, a fierce watchdog is a good thing in our home right about now.  He is JUST learning how to play fetch.  He can sit, lay down and will wait however long we make him for his food.  We are working on "shake" and he has earned his way out of the crate and now has kitchen privileges. He does not go anywhere else in the home, except with me during the day....I make him go everywhere I go on the main floor of the house including the bathroom.  See, our other dog ran out the front door and got hit by a car and killed right in front of my house.  I NEVER EVER want to go through that again so I am trying to train Keegan to stick with me.

He is so sweet and for all he has been through, he as an amazing ability to love unconditionally and trust unconditionally.  Dogs are like that.  They aren't like people who hold grudges and harbor anger.  They just live in the moment.  Kind of like what I am trying to do these days.  Life has been rough the last couple of months, but having Keegan has been a great distraction and a good reminder of how to live in the moment.

So, heres to our Keegan.....a bull dozer, a tank, a dog that seems to get himself in trouble without even trying by his sheer size and strength.....but he keeps trying.  Always trying to please me.  Kind of like me.  Blowing it and not meaning to, but I keep trying.  Trying to live a life pleasing to my Lord Jesus Christ.  And like Keegan, I am trying to not think about all the peripheral things that really don't matter at the end of the day.  What matters is my family, my relationship with God and the position of my heart.

So, once again, God is using a dog to teach me some simple things.....patience being one of them.  Keegan has sucked me dry of patience, but one look from that eye of his and somehow my patience tank gets refilled and I'm ready to forge ahead.....

Until next time.....

Step away from the boat....

Or actually, step INTO the boat.....stepping away from the boat is what got me in trouble to begin with.  This summer we were at the lake house.  In fact, I think it was the first time we had gotten there all summer.  On Saturday Eric, Raechyl and Adam went fishing and they ALL caught some pretty big large mouth bass but Adam had caught "BIG DADDY"....which, of course, includes bragging rights.  So Sunday morning, I told Eric that I was going to go fishing and beat that catch.....but no one wanted to go except Eric.  So he unteathered the boat as he had done a million times before and I went to get in, as I had done a million times before and for some reason, the boat started to slip away.  I had one foot on the seat and the other foot on the dock.  My choices were clear:  I could NOT jump backwards as the boat was pulling me forward so I had to jump in the boat.  However, as luck would have it, as I jumped, my foot on the seat slipped off the seat and I dove, literally, face first into the anchor.....not able to break my fall with anything.  After the initial hit, my head flung backwards as it should have.....you know - basic science.....a body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.  Well, that outside force was the anchor and it stopped me dead in my tracks.  I literally heard my face crackle.  Hands to face IMMEDIATELY as Eric continued to ask, "Are you OK?!!!!  Are you OK?!!!!!" I said nothing, just kept my face covered until the blood started pouring through my hands.  He threw me a towel and proceeded to get me out of the boat, up the dock and inside.  My nose was literally pouring blood out at the rate of a full open faucet.  After about 30 minutes of saying nothing, just scared I decided to go in and look at the damage.  When I did, I touched my nose (at the bridge) and it literally wobbled back and forth.......clue number 1 that it was definitely broken....and BAD.

So, in Eric's infinite compassion and wisdom he asks me if I needed to go to a hospital......Um, I thought, Yup.....I'm thinking my gooey floppy nose won't fix itself.  Then he asks if I wanted to go to Troy, NY Hospital (40 minutes away) or Morristown Memorial, NJ (4 HOURS away)......he KNEW we had coverage in Morristown......I opted for Troy.  A CT scan later and a confirmation of a "shattered nose and broken orbital socket" - yes, I broke my eye socket as well, not to mention ripped my left shin wide open, but there was no meat so they opted NOT to stitch but to wrap tightly to stop the bleeding and sent me off with my CT scan, my bandaged leg and towel for my STILL bleeding nose to go home.  Next day I called an ENT and went in for evaluation.  Yup, shattered nose all right.  Needed immediate surgery - next day.  There was nothing they could do for the broken orbital socket except let it heal.  This was the beginning of a VERY bad 4 weeks to follow.

The whole ordeal freaked me out.  I think it was because it was my face.  I didn't want anyone anywhere near me.  I freaked out ANY time someone or something was within 3 feet of me, so I pretty much stayed alone (far from my family and dog) for about 3 weeks which is how long it took to be able to put glasses back on and a full 6 weeks to be stable enough to blow again.

So, there you have it.  Once again, speedy gonzales got all twisted up in some sort of physical thing that , of course, resulted in yet another surgery - and that would not be my last for this summer.  Looking back, this was the worst summer in my memory.....for a multitude of reasons.  But as always, God is bigger than all this and today I am, once again, forging forward.  Not looking back because I am not going that way.  In time, ALL wounds heal, both the physical ones and the internal scars left from hurts sometimes too deep to even think about.

Until next time......

Life.....Too much sometimes.....

Again, I haven't blogged in forever and I really think it is because my computer no longer lives in my kitchen in a tidy little place that is visible all the time, rather it is a laptop.....convenient?  Yes.  However I prefer a comfy seat and a separate keyboard.  But I digress.....

My family life took a turn for the worse about three years ago when I, against my husbands incredibly accurate gut instinct, allowed my sister to move in to help with the care of my mom.  We moved into a mother/daughter home at that time so she could have her own place (yes, I miss my other house, but this is now becoming home).  My sister lasted here a little over a year before she broke the one rule we had, causing us to have to ask her to leave.  It was a risk to our family to keep her here.  Needless to say, it didn't go over well as she had no where to go (she was homeless when she came which is the ONLY reason I begged Eric to allow her to come in the first place).  Long story short she "popped" in unannounced, which was incredible since we asked her to not come back.....and viola!  There she was in my living room, which caused some problems.  OK....LOTS of problems.  So much so that we had to hire an attorney to protect our assets as she was making accusations that we were misappropriating my mothers funds (totally not true.)  My mom lived with us ten years and we had taken nothing from her in those 10 years.  Long story short, she "popped" in two more times and this last time was this summer.  My mom almost died while she was here.  Ended up in sub acute rehab.  My mom lasted there 2 weeks before I got a call from the facility advising me that my sister took my mom AMA (against medical advice) and that was that.  GONE.  My mom was GONE.....and the worst part yet - NO ONE would tell me where she was other than they were going to CA on Sunday morning (this was Friday night and the facility was the one who told me that).  Best description I could give of the feeling and destruction that was left behind was as if my mom was kidnapped.  There that morning cause I went to see her.  Several hours later she is gone and no one will tell me anything.  Via text, we BEGGED Terri to allow us to say goodbye to no avail and by Saturday night were begging to let the kids say goodbye ON HER TERMS and she said no.  So 3 weeks have passed and we will never know where my mom is.  My sister will not tell us and my daughter went so far as to text Terri to ask how Mina was and to tell Mina she loved her and Terri told Raechyl that I was the reason they "snuck" out because I was stressing my mom out?  WTF does that mean?  Raechyl (bless her wise soul) told Terri to take responsibility for her own actions for once in her life and asked again to speak with Mina and the last response was "Hun, call me when you're 18 and we'll talk)....she is 16+.

I'll blog about some other things that happened in those 5 weeks preceding this event (some quite funny  - other, not so much).  but our family is trying to recover from the trauma caused by this event.  And to boot, this isn't the first time my mom left me with nothing.  When I was 13 she took my sister (then 16) to California and left me behind with my abusive alcoholic father for 2 years with not so much as a phone call just to come home 2 years later.  This time she isn't coming home.  I am sure I will never see her alive again.  I am also pretty sure I won't even be notified when she dies.  After 47 years of this family and 20 of caring for my mom (10 in her home and the last 10 in mine) you could imagine what we are dealing with....especially with regards to my children.  But God is bigger than all this....I have to keep reminding myself of this.  But it has been nearly 3 weeks now and I can honestly say I haven't had too many days without tears and I am pretty sure I will never understand this whole thing nor why it was done nor how someone could to that to someone......not allow them and their children to say goodbye.  That is all we asked and were denied again and again.

So for now, we (my immediate family) pull closer, dig deeper, talk more, pray a lot and just try to get thru this most difficult season.

Until next time......

THE BULLY PROJECT

I JUST WATCHED A MOVIE CALLED BULLY.  IT BROKE MY HEART HITTING HOME FOR ME.  I WAS BULLIED BY NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS FROM AGE 7 THROUGH MIDDLESCHOOL AND BY GIRLS IN HIGH SCHOOL.  I AM NEARLY 50 YEARS OLD AND CAN STILL REMEMBER THEIR FACES AND NAMES.  IN THIS MOVIE, THE DIRECTORS DID A FANTASTIC JOB FOLLOWING SEVERAL KIDS WHO WERE BULLIED AND DEPICTED HOW INEFFICIENT SCHOOLS ARE AT HANDLING THIS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT ISSUE.  IT ALSO FOLLOWED THE SELF INFLICTED DEATHS OF TWO KIDS WHO WERE BULLIED AND THEIR FAMILIES LIVES IN THE YEAR FOLLOWING.  THIS IS WHAT BORN THIS MOVIE.

I HAVE ORDERED THE KIT TO GO TO MY CHILDRENS SCHOOL TO BRING AWARENESS TO THIS EPIDEMIC.  IT ONLY TAKES ONE - THAT'S RIGHT - ONE CHILD TO STAND UP FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES....BE THAT ONE CHILD.

MY HOPE IS THAT I CAN INCENT MY CHILD'S SCHOOL'S FELLOW STUDENTS TO GO TO OTHER SCHOOLS AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE.  SOLIDARITY....THAT IS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.  A FOREST FIRE STARTS WITH ONE HEART THAT IS ON FIRE.  LET THIS MOVIE IGNITE A NATIONWIDE EPIDEMIC THAT PUTS AN END TO THIS HORRIFIC AND GROWING PROBLEM BY STANDING UP AND BEING HEARD.  BE THE VOICES OF THOSE WHO NO LONGER HAVE A VOICE.....

AS PER "ALICETX.COM" THE FOLLOWING STATISTICS WERE GATHERED:

The numbers continue to rise every month...

- It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students.

Source: National Education Association

- American schools harbor approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims. Dan Olweus, National School Safety Center.

- 1 in 7 students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a victim of bullying.

- 56 percent of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.

- 15 percent of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school.

- 71 percent of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.

- 1 out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.

- 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.

- Those in the lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in the higher grades. However, there is a lower rate of serious violent crimes in the elementary level than in the middle or high schools.

- 90 percent of fourth through eighth graders report being victims of bullying

- Among students, homicide perpetrators were more than twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied by peers.

- Bullying statistics say revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootings.

- 87 percent of students said shootings are motivated by a desire to "get back at those who have hurt them."

- 86 percent of students said, "other kids picking on them, making fun of them or bullying them" causes teenagers to turn to lethal violence in the schools.

- 61 percent of students said students shoot others because they have been victims of physical abuse at home.

- 54 percent of students said witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school.

- According to bullying statistics, 1 out of every 10 students who drops out of school does so because of repeated bullying.

- Harassment and bullying have been linked to 75 percent of school-shooting incidents.

NATIONAL STATISTICS:  (http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=49)

SOURCE: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics. (2012). Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2011 (NCES 2012-002).

Percentage of students ages 12-18 who reported criminal victimization at school during the previous 6 months, by type of victimization and selected student characteristics: 1999, 2005, and 2009
Student characteristic	1999				2005				2009
	Total	Theft	Violent	Serious violent1	Total	Theft	Violent	Serious violent1	Total	Theft	Violent	Serious violent1
Total	7.6	5.7	2.3	0.5	4.3	3.1	1.2	0.3	3.9	2.8	1.4	0.3
Sex
Male	7.8	5.7	2.5	0.6	4.6	3.1	1.6	0.3!	4.6	3.4	1.6	0.6
Female	7.3	5.7	2.0	0.5	3.9	3.2	0.8	0.3	3.2	2.1	1.1	‡
Race/ethnicity2
White	7.5	5.8	2.1	0.4	4.7	3.4	1.3	0.3!	3.9	2.9	1.2	0.3!
Black	9.9	7.4	3.5	1.2	3.8	2.7	1.3!	‡	4.4	2.5	2.3!	‡
Hispanic	5.7	3.9	1.9	0.6!	3.9	3.1	0.9	0.4!	3.9	3.0	1.3!	‡
Asian	—	—	—	—	1.5!	‡	‡	‡	‡	‡	#	#
Other	6.4	4.4	2.2!	#	4.3!	‡	‡	‡	‡	‡	‡	#

STAND UP AND DO SOMETHING.  GO TO    http://www.thebullyproject.com AND JOIN.  FOLLOW ME....TWEET IT....FACEBOOK IT.  DO WHAT YOU CAN.  GET THE WORD OUT AT YOUR SCHOOLS.  LET'S LET NOT ONE MORE CHILD TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE BECAUSE THEY FEEL THERE WILL BE NO END TO THEIR ABUSE.