Now this is a scary way to start a thought...But this post isn't about my wondering (or wandering) mind and thoughts. That should wipe the sweat right from your brow. There will be no blonde thoughts. No ra"m"don information or thoughts. There will be no questions about rain, snow or France...maybe a comment or two about A.D.D. or O.C.D. (the France thing) but this post is about something far more serious than usual. And believe it or not, I do actually think about serious things from time to time. This topic has plagued me for years...
I was just wondering what my calling is. Now, for me, I see ALL my girlfriends finding their calling from God...some adoption...some discipling other younger women...some widows and old folks, others youth group or church deaconesses...others yet homeschooling and starting neighborhood groups or Bible studies...others supporting different groups (and being involved) like right to life or V.O.M. etc. But me...nothing.
No Right-To-Life action, no Bible Study in the home, no orphans or widows, no younger women to disciple, no church involvement to speak of...just me at home with my mom and kids and husband...same thing...every day I have my quiet time with God, journal and prayer...Wednesday and Thursday mornings are Bible study and Sundays are church. There. Done. And I struggle with this more and more.
So, why the depression? Why the 25 year struggle? Why have I continued to make the poor decisions that have left me in the dust of everyone else? I remember a point in time when I was mentoring, discipling and running Bible study in my home...now...nothin'...
No Bible study AT ALL (I attend but am not actually doing the study as I felt it was just to darn redundant at this point)...no real direction. I keep asking God "what"...and I wait. "What, God, do you have planned for me?"...and I wait...and I wait...and I wait! Have you ever felt this way? Almost lost...without direction...just in limbo...waiting. And I fear, at this point, I will be waiting 10 years from now...no answers...just the same question...
"God, I was just wondering...what do you want me to do? Please give me some direction, because...
I was just wondering...
