Well, Eric and Adam just left to go to a hockey game with Adam's friend, James, and his dad Carlos. Mina is sleeping and I find myself here alone with some quiet time. Rae is still gone and I am missing her terribly...wish I could just talk to her to know she is having a great time. Today is my niece's birthday, Katie. She is twelve. Hard to believe our girls are 12 and Adam is 6. I had my quiet time this morning and was very prayerful in my journaling, imploring God to provide me with some much needed answers...and He did. I am reading the book of Jeremiah and was on Chapter 10 and there it was. Jeremiah 10:21 "For the shepherds have become stupid and have not sought the LORD, therefore they have not prospered, and all their flock is scattered." One of my thoughts of late has been my absence from my friends. I see relationships being forged and grown all around me and I have not (admittedly by my own poor choices) and I feel like I have missed out on family time that I can never get back. I have been asking God what I am afraid of and why I continue down this road of "ashes". This morning I believe He spoke His word over my heart. He said, "Arrie, you have gotten here because you do not seek Me continuously. You cycle in and out and try to do things on your own strength. You have not prospered, nor has your family or friendships because of this, and right now...they are scattered." He went on to tell me, "But, I am with you to save you and deliver you" (Jeremiah 15:20b). He is a good God, mighty to save, long-suffering in patience, compassionate and faithful, even when I am faithless.
Again, today I choose fire. I have accomplished much today and have enjoyed my time playing games with Adam (a new dice game called Farkel). He even taught me how to play "Bakugan" (ugh -- not my thing, but it is his so I played). Of course, he won every battle less one (he had mercy on me). I still don't get it, but who cares...me and my boy had a great day.
So, Eric is off with Adam for another night of "male bonding". I will finish up some half done projects, fellowship with Mina and get a good night sleep. Slept 4 hours (at best) last night.
I am still in my jammies...comfy and familiar to me...unlike this life that is familiar to me but not so comfy. So for now, I will go on my merry way, praying and praising God for His infinite mercy. Signing off for now...comfy and feeling fulfilled.
